For realsies

Unwritten Comments March 26, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 9:12 pm

Actual comment:

Eustachia has the potential to be a successful student.

Unwritten comment:

Eustachia lit a stick of gum on fire, preventing her from completing her essay.

Actual comment:

She struggles with grade-level grammar.

Unwritten comment:

When I extinguished the flames, she told me to “F— off ! That gum was mines!”


Actual comment:

Skippy has lost some instructional time due to his interest in his school supplies.

Unwritten comment:

Skippy practiced three-pointers into the garbage can with sixty-three pencils, halting all instruction until he was removed by a large adult. Again.

Actual comment:

Ronald’s effort has improved this semester!

Unwritten comment:

Ronald actually returned one homework assignment!


Actual comment:

Victor often seems a bit tired in the mornings, which is affecting his progress in writing.

Unwritten comment:

Victor snores and drools through morning lessons daily.  Upon awakening, he does not remember how to spell his name.


Actual comment:

Biff is an energetic and athletic young man.  He should, however, restrict his physicality to gym period.

Unwritten comment:

Biff races through the halls, knocking children to the floor and advising adults to do inappropriate things to themselves.






Conversations with People Who Don’t Get You March 20, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 8:24 pm

You: “Hi!”

PWDGY: Wearily, “Hello, (adds a syllable to your name).”

You: “Here, look at the product of extensive, dedicated labor and intelligence!”

PWDGY: “Yeeeeaaaah. It’s okay. But really it needs to be more like this.”

You: “More like what now?”

PWDGY: “I’m not sure. Just not as mediocre as this. Don’t forget how much you used to suck at virtually everything! I’ll never forget that. AND remember when this thing that never happened happened? Thank goodness you learned such valuable lessons from THAT non-occurrence!”

You: “Um, yeah. Well, thanks for reminding me that all those people who tell me I’m awesome are just so cute and silly!  Thank goodness you pulled me back from the edge of feeling good about myself–that was a close one!”

PWDGY: Sighing, “Okay.”


Wheelchair Event #2! March 15, 2012

Filed under: humor,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 8:16 pm
Tags: , , ,


That’s right, I have surpassed my previous impressive accomplishment of having a kid taken out in a wheelchair (fine within an hour).  Yesterday, I got me a second one! This individual scored some mean instant karma, having snagged someone’s bag o’ chips at lunch.  Apparently, he and a few others started lapping the cafeteria, when he fell on the stairs and was rendered unable to get up…Back in my classroom within an hour (this sounds familiar), he was miraculously restored to his previous ability of chewing up small balloons and shooting them across the room.  The amazing recoveries! Inspiration! My room is a veritable Baptist revival meeting (with the added color of some good old fashioned cussing)!


Amazingly, this one arrived at school today, completely intact, ready to join the track team that we don’t have–so committed to sport that he managed to attract five or six of the least savory characters we’ve got, and began training in earnest. Rules, schmules! I may have shed a tear or two in the face of such pure dedication.

Junior Olympic athletes are allowed to tell their coaches to f— off, right? Pretty sure I’ve heard that.



Cub Scout Banquets Linked to Mental Illness? March 4, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 2:10 pm

ImageWhen I was a teenager, I read One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, liked it very much, and took away from it that I might very well one day be erroneously institutionalized as well. So, yeah, I am pretty much just a great big Pollyanna!

I don’t really want to have a lobotomy or shock treatments to “smooth me out,” but I am having a huge temper tantrum within right now.   I am a terrible cub scout parent, as I have established previously. Just the worst attitude imaginable. I am pissed that we have to buy a dorky shirt, pissed that we have to affix things to it, pissed that we have to  spend three hours later at the Blue and Gold Banquet eating buffet style food and sharing scouting warmth  with the real scout families.I am not allowed to finish putting stuff on the shirt because I wanted to turn the 8 sideways to represent the degree to which I feel that scouting exists to push me over the edge of sanity.

See? Don’t think I don’t know that there are a couple of people who are looking up the mental health hotline to post in a comment, or at the very least are sending anonymous reports to the Cub Scout Purification League about a parent who is not worthy of the moniker “Akela.” My previous post about our substandard pinewood derby car has probably already situated my name in a folder somewhere. A real folder, made of paper. The list inside is, predictably, black. I’ll bet scouts had some nice Y2K stashes back before everything fell apart and stopped working.

Thanks in advance for your purchase of our carefully packaged spices for your cooking enjoyment! Blue and Gold forever!




Filed under: Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 10:27 am


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