For realsies

La Cucaracha en La Clase April 30, 2012

So, I made sure that every kid turned in his or her cell phone.  I made sure that I turned mine off, having been warned against taking pictures of the test. I made sure that each and every student had their chance at the bathroom since I had no intention of sending anyone to the bathroom during the test. Because of all of the academic content recorded on the stalls in the bathroom, you know.

But what is the regulation involving infiltration by vermin? Here’s the scenario: a girl raises her hand, and I tiptoe over to her, so as not to disturb the cathedral-like silence that befalls the classroom during this one time of year, under threat of nuclear annihilation and zero score if they talk. She says, “I don’t feel very good. There’s a cockroach in Ruby’s desk.” She is seated at that very desk.  I ask her if she would like to change her seat; since I can only send someone who is “not feeling good” to the nurse if there is a large amount of blood or a Joe Theisman compound fracture.  Thankfully, she agrees, and finishes her test.

Let’s face it; the cockroach probably did photograph the test, and by the time we (read: student) had flushed it out and killed it, the little spy had probably leaked it to cockroaches all over the world, who are poised to exceed our school’s scores when they have to take the same test in a couple of weeks.  It will all be traced back to me and my lackadaisical security measures, and I will be deemed an ineffective and dangerous teacher, losing my position, putting our nation’s competitiveness at even greater peril, and seeking work at Orkin.




4 Responses to “La Cucaracha en La Clase”

  1. […] This level of devotion to hair is actually quite commonplace among my students, strangely enough.  It is considered a medical necessity to take entire school days off in order to attend to one’s weave.   I am not even opposed to the concept of the “mental health day,” and perhaps I should chalk it up to that.  However, since the vast majority of my students are academically well below their actual grade level, it is a bit tougher to deal with a missed instructional day in the name of hair illness.  Especially since I end up sweeping up long clumps of fake hair from the classroom floor as the day approaches when my scholar shows up sporting her original, non-Diana Ross length hair.  I’m used to critters, though! See La Cucaracha en La Clase. […]

  2. javaj240 Says:

    I love the Joe Theismann reference. That’s a tough one to work in. A tip of the hat to you!

    • peachyteachy Says:

      Joe Theismann compound fractures are in the back of my head every work day of my life.

      • javaj240 Says:

        I only hope that if you ever witness something so horrifying close up that the good lord will have blessed you with a cold so that you will not have to hear the fracture…OMG I was watching that game and I swear I can still hear it. Ugh!

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