Dear Firstborn Son,
I could not be more thrilled that you are coming home from college today! Really! Before you set foot inside the front door, though, I just thought I would issue a couple of alerts. I have to work all day, so I won’t be here until later.
Alert #1– The house is a disaster. The dog is shedding fur, the cat is shedding poo, and the tenacity of dust is making a decorating statement.
Alert #2– Legos. That is all.
Alert #3– The fridge looks full, but there is actually nothing to eat. It’s mostly just leftovers that have gone South and are waiting for me to issue their marching orders. That sounds vaguely Civil War-related. And, much like those who suffered through the meager rations of that era, I can make no commitments as to when I will be going grocery shopping.
Alert #4– There is nothing to drink either. Nothing fizzy, anyway. I know that DIY chocolate milk isn’t your thing.
Alert #5– The wasps have begun to crawl down from the attic to die in your room. I haven’t removed them, because I know that this will be comforting to you, as you will have some company while you wait for us to come home (to take you out to dinner).
Finally, in answer to the question that is foremost in your mind, yes, you are still required to do our traditional road trip to the garden center tomorrow for Mother’s Day.
Can’t wait to see you!