For realsies

Report Card Comments Redux June 7, 2012

Filed under: education,humor,school — peachyteachy @ 8:24 pm
Tags: , ,

Has it really been an entire marking period since I started this blog? One of my earlier posts centered around actual report card comments as compared to more candid comments that will never be included in the real thing.  See

Have my charges made incredible progress?  I think that you will be  surprised horrified. But you be the judge.

How is our beloved Eustachia doing, you wonder?

Actual comment: 

Eustachia has shown potential for growth when she gives her best effort.  However, in order to be successful next year, she will need to control behaviors that seek peer attention. Good luck in sixth grade!

Unwritten comment:

Eustachia has repeatedly extended cordial invitations to other students to “suck my d—.” Our school counselor has reminded her that, as she does not possess a d—, she may not wish to invite others to it. I may have thrown her gum out of the window at one point. Good luck in sixth grade!

What about Skippy?

Actual comment:

Skippy has improved his reading fluency by twenty-three words per minute.  He should read daily in order to prepare for the next grade level. Good luck in sixth grade!

Unwritten comment:

Skippy has improved his reading from a first grade to a second grade level, and would need to read R. L. Stine‘s complete works this summer in order to approach readiness for his new grade level.  This would require reading more than three sentences at a sitting.  He also might enjoy the ever-popular Capitals–Not Where the Dudes Make Laws!   Additionally, he may wish to avoid addressing boys twice his weight thusly: “Hey, don’t drop the soap!” Good luck in sixth grade, and in whatever institutional setting you may explore in the future!

Actual comment:

Ricardo will need to focus on his organizational skills next year, and will need to be more efficient in starting and completing assignments.  He is an active young man and may benefit from athletic activities outside of school. Good luck in sixth grade!

Unwritten comment:

Ricardo is a hot mess, has lost every paper I have ever given him, and his name has been submitted for an episode of “Hoarders-Buried Alive.”  However, we have all enjoyed the months-long development of his hallway interpretive dance rendering of the classic Cervantes work, “Don Quixote.”  The little girl has recovered nicely from the “windmill arm spin” injury unintentionally inflicted by Ricardo. Good luck in sixth grade!

Excuse me while I get back to writing report cards. . .


3 Responses to “Report Card Comments Redux”

  1. I LOVE YOU. I really do. I don’t know how you do it. You are a much better person than I am. Next time, tell me what you really think! LOL

    • peachyteachy Says:

      Would that it were true. Since every flipping unwritten comment is based in straight-up reality, I am often accused of sainthood. Not feeling it, though. I love teachiing; I really do—it is just disturbing how much gets in the way of teaching. Hard to feel like you’re making a difference.

  2. […] here and here and here for more professional report card writing […]

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