We have a friend visiting! I am all out of ibuprofen, and there is someone conducting a repetitive test of a tuneless whistle somewhere nearby, while the boys use their “outside voices” exclusively, arguing about who will be Player One, who gets to use which Legos, biggest cookie—you name it. Thinking that I need to restructure this whole playdate arrangement. I am going to draft a waiver! Waivers always make everything run smoothly.
Thank you for inquiring about a playdate between our respective offspring! Prior to scheduling, I request that you read and sign the following standard disclosure and waiver form.
I, _________________, parent of ______________, agree that my son/daughter may meet for diversionary purposes at the home of Young and Grouchy Megamind on the following date: ___________________________.
I understand the following statements:
Hearing damage may occur as a result of a birth defect which left YGM without a working volume control. He is set permanently on 11. Earplugs are recommended.
If my child has special dietary requirements or preferences, I will send along something that works for him/her. The neighborhood spelt supplier has gone bankrupt in these tough times. Also, there are religious duties which prohibit the consumption of Kool-Aid of any color. The work camp-like beverage selection may include water, milk, and whatever generic juice is on sale.
Extreme bossiness may occur at any time. The gracious host may take a brief time out, and there may be general statements made regarding groundation from various technology, for unrealistic periods of time. In no way does this imply groundation for the visitor, nor does it imply a request for advice from me to Mommy Megamind on appropriate groundation practices.
I PROMISE TO DROP OFF AND PICK UP MY CHILD ON TIME. FAILURE TO DO SO MAY RESULT IN UNSPEAKABLY BAD THINGS.
Just overheard in the other room:
Guest: “Life’s tough.”
Grouchy Megamind: “Yeah, Life IS tough.”
*sigh* Generic prune juice, anyone?