For realsies

Looking At the World Through Rose-Colored Glasses. I Mean, Purple! How Did You Do That? September 18, 2012

Filed under: education,humor,teaching,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 8:06 pm
Tags: , , ,

I have a lovely colleague who has some lovely eyeglasses.  In fact, she has a couple of different pairs that she wears on a regular basis.  One of them is pink. One of them is purple. They are not identical. Not even close.

She does not teach pre-school.

She was asked by a student, “How do your glasses change color?” This is cute when you have a three-year-old.  It’s a bit scary when you multiply that by three.

My colleague did not reply by asking the student “How did your pants change color between yesterday and today?”  By virtue of this fact, I feel that she should be receiving some sort of merit pay; that is,  if any teacher in the civilized world actually supports the idea of merit pay.  Combat pay, yes. Merit pay? No, thank you.

Fast forward to snack time.  Here come FREE, beautiful, fresh fruits and veggies to be distributed “at our discretion” at some point in the day when we are down for hand sanitizer-squirting, napkin-giving, and manner-teaching (“If you don’t like it, we say ‘No, thank you,’ not ‘Ewww, that’s nasty!’).  Example: baby carrots.

Heard in another colleague’s classroom, before the snacks even hit the slab: “Where the ranch?” Translation: “I will have a side of ranch dressing.”

Teacher response: “I don’t know, Ungratefulique, where IS the ranch?”

Student: “Where the RANCH?”

Teacher pulls down the U.S. map, and suggests, “Ungratefulique, I believe that many of the ranches in the US are in other parts of the country, such as Texas, and other states in the Southwest region, as we studied last week, with our map keys.”

Student, rolling eyes: “No, the ranch DRESSING!”

Teacher: “OH! That’s in Hidden Valley, sweetheart.” This is the point at which teacher is utilizing deep breathing techniques purported to prevent hyperventilation without the smoking of a cigarette.

We may need some professional advice here from waitress-laureate–

Heard in my classroom: “Wow, I see why they call them baby carrots. They are really small.”

Yes. Yes they are. They are some small carrots. We are making a wonderful learning connection between your prior knowledge about babies as the smaller versions of grown up things, and baby carrots as smaller versions of bigger carrots. Let’s write a five- paragraph essay and expand upon this, relating it to other important babies and big things.  And, let’s use capitals to start your sentences. At least the first sentence. Please?

Or you could just pretend that they are your bicuspids and that you are a vampire.


5 Responses to “Looking At the World Through Rose-Colored Glasses. I Mean, Purple! How Did You Do That?”

  1. javaj240 Says:

    I have actually been asked very similar questions. Mine, however, often end prepositionally, as in, “Where the coleslaw at?”, to which I have been known to reply, “Another restaurant.”

    FYI: My understanding is that baby carrots are not cultivated; they are carved from larger carrots. I don’t know whether this is true. I was given this information by the produce guy at the local grocery store. You might like to know that this guy strikes me as a bit odd. Also, we weren’t talking about carrots at the time. Actually, we weren’t talking about anything. I was minding my own business over by the grapes when this fun fact was sprung on me. My husband thinks he, the produce guy, may have a thing for me.

    Thank you for bestowing upon me the title of “waitress laureate”. I hope I can live up to it!

  2. WSW Says:

    Once again I ask my self, “How the hell do teachers make it through even one day?” And once again I answer, “I don’t #^@# know.”

  3. javaj240 Says:

    The same way waitresses do…counting the minutes, just counting the minutes.

  4. valleygirl96 Says:

    This is awesome! I don’t know if this will depress you or make you feel better, but the kids are no better in high school!

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