Yeah, I’m still shopping.
One of these years, I want to be able to spring a vacation trip on the fam, but that’s not in the cards for this Christmas. Still, there are so many lovely gifts that can provide such extraordinary experiences to their recipients.
- A favorite gift of mine is one that comes around commercial land pretty regularly, in the form of a pair of sunglasses—a pair so special, reminds the info-mercial ambassador, that, when you gaze through them, you will see things as you have never seen them before! “It’s ALMOST like 3-D!” he assures you. Well, there’s a selling point. Last I looked, my life tends to occur in three dimensions all on its own.
- As a parent who should hold stock in the Lego company, I keep my finger on the pulse of all things Lego. Imagine my surprise when I caught a glimpse of an internet ad hawking “life-size legos.” WTF? As far as I am concerned, “life-size” for a Lego is generally right around the 1 to 3-inch ballpark. Does this place actually have something that is in some way more lifelike than the 32,000 Lego pieces with which I interact on a daily basis? Presumably, “life-size” is universally accepted to mean “human-size,” and especially white, male, human-size, as evidenced by the human-sized human in the photo above. What is that dude compensating for?
- On an agricultural note, I have yet to come up with anyone in my circle (for whom I feel obligated to buy a gift) who would appreciate receiving the news that someone else was receiving a living gift on their behalf, whether they like it or not. You know, the heifer and goat-supplying outfits that empower someone in the third world with the gift of livestock-raising. Do you get monthly updates on your little cloven-hoofed gift, complete with photos of special milestones, such as the first little tin cup filled with milk, or its first pungent cheese? I might personally enjoy this, especially if, one day, they air-lifted one of MY heifer’s baby heifers–right to my classroom! It could be our class pet! There is no way that it would be any messier than the children, and they could experience life lessons by working for their little carton of milk! We could leave it over on the heat vent and discover the miracles of cheese-making, minus the plastic wrapper!
Sadly, the presents under our tree will not begin to approach the grandeur of these — not even a 2-dimensional pair of sunglasses to rescue us from a pedestrian holiday. Still, I’m hopeful. There ARE life-size Legos in the works.