Oh, what? You’re one of those sunny individuals who, on Tuesdays (or “Tooz-deez” if you are old school and midwestern), says something like, “Hey, it’s almost Hump Day!” Every day is Hump Day if you’re my dog. TODAY is, allegedly, Hump Day. The downhill “Wheeee!” has not kicked in. The looming deadlines have.
One sunny side of this hallowed Hump Day is that, this year, we only have to draft a school supply order for seventy-six cents to outfit our classrooms for the following year. If you are a special ed person, I’m sorry—you get thirty-one cents to spend. Paper clip frenzy! In addition, you must complete your order form online in a format that is impossible to save. . .while a webcam records your every click, I am pretty sure. Yes, Ms. Crabapple (we’re all named after tree fruits), you have been–er—humped!
I commend you and tip my non-existent hat to you as well, my optimistic reader. I’m guessing that your Toozdee (or Hump Day) did not include witnessing a ten-year-old cussing out a sweet lady who is pushing seventy. At the end of such a day, one occasionally reflects upon the soul-crushing reality that it is, indeed, OnlyTuesday. Or, in today’s case, Lumpin’ Hump Day.
Hey! Here’s a happy Hump Day tale to tell! One of my overflowing handful of students who view schoolwork as strictly optional, asked me if the word “wheat” is pronounced, “Hweet.” To which I responded that, yes, technically, it is pronounced “Hweet.” I was thinking of the early Woody Allen film, “Love and Death,” in which there is a very artsy wheat-themed soliloquy-ish thing (my favorite moment is Woody’s heartfelt, “CREAM of wheat!”). My student, on the other hand, was inspired to spend the next twenty solid minutes saying “Hweet” over and over again, to my delight. It was a high point in my career as a life-changing, inspirational educator.
” What do you remember about fifth grade, Skippy?’
“I remember one day I said ‘Hweet’ three thousand times.”
And then I started to think about regionalisms and then I watched this video about state stereotypes and then I decided to write the end of my post in the style of my students, but without misspelling stuff because I love you all too much to take it out on you…