For realsies

Report Card Comment Do’s and Don’ts January 22, 2013

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 9:18 pm
Tags: ,

Another invaluable little tutorial from the  trenches hallowed halls.

DO write this:

Zorkonoman must work on positive behavior choices with peers.  I am supporting him with strategies to quietly bring issues to an adult if he feels threatened.

DON’T write this:

Zorkonoman removed his belt to quietly signal that he was ready to fight during Social Studies.  I generally discourage this, especially when accompanied by a stick figure drawing of him, his aggressor with cartoon balloon of “Let’s fight, Bitch!”, and six adoring onlookers.

DO write this:

Homework completion is an issue for Rapscallawag.  Please support him in this important practice of our classroom learning.

DONT write this:

Rapscallawag registers shock and confusion when asked on a daily basis whether he has his homework.  He does take home at least one classroom pencil daily, possibly to practice reading the words on the barrel. Although, when asked if he had built a bonfire with all of those sticks and papers he never returns, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. . .

DO write this:

Vidalia is sometimes distracted by items in her desk.

DON’T write this:

Vidalia was writing on her teeth today with a permanent marker. . . After rendering an image of a pony, rainbow, and kitty in Miami Ink style on her arm.

DO write this:

Captain Sunshine has the potential to be a successful math student—-

DON’T write this:

—If he doesn’t get his cousin to cut you.

DO write this:

Edward Scissorman determined the capacity of his desk in square units.

DON’T write this:

Scissorman has made 375 paper ninja stars, 62 paper pistols, 9 fortune tellers which are arranged strategically in his desk to mask the 14 cereals, 3 bananas and 5 orange juices that he lifts from the cafeteria weekly and transports to the classroom in his pants pockets.  He does not take off his belt when ready to fight.  He throws ninja stars.

See here and here and here for more professional report card writing tips.




21 Responses to “Report Card Comment Do’s and Don’ts”

  1. rossmurray1 Says:

    Catharsis, thy name is blogging.

  2. Katie Says:

    Hysterical! Loved it! Sadly, I have a few belts in my desk drawer, and they don’t belong to me…

  3. I’ve got to tweet this. Once again, you have made me give blessings and thanks to the universe that I don’t have to grade another little savage’s report card. Thank you.

  4. WSW Says:

    You really must write a book. This is priceless.

  5. You are my ray of sunshine on this cold, bleak day!! Love it!

  6. UndercoverL Says:

    Is there a list about diverting the inevitable fight my husband wants to have with the father of the delinquent kid that won’t stop writing on my son, breaking his crayons, cheating off his tests, and ripping up his homework? Or is my husband justified?

    • peachyteachy Says:

      Oh boy. That stinks. How’s your son with it? How’s the teacher? Would it help if I wrote a funny list about parents who come in ready to fight other parents and how ridiculous they are?

      • UndercoverL Says:

        Yes, yes it would. I wouldn’t feel so guilty if I knew there were other fightin’ parents out there. The teacher was good about it. When my son (kindergarten) told me this kid was distracting him, I suggested he talk to his teacher. When she didn’t listen to him, I went in and spoke to her. She moved him immediately. My son is friends with the kid, but he knows school isn’t social, it’s educational.

      • peachyteachy Says:

        Oh, just kindergarten? Such visceral response when our babies are so young. Is the other kid a bit of a kindergarten spaz who may grow out of it? Or just a bad to the bone kindergartener? Would you like me to send in one of my students?

      • UndercoverL Says:

        LOL. I don’t doubt my son could hold his own. He is a kind, loving boy, but he is also twice as big as his classmates and he has a fierce temper when provoked. Like his mama, he can fight if words don’t work, but he tries words first every time (as opposed to his dad, who kicks arse first and asks questions after).

  7. javaj240 Says:

    So, honesty is not the best policy then?

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