For realsies

Destination: Grease February 20, 2013

Filed under: family,food,humor,life,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 7:16 am
Tags: , , ,

If you are looking for the YouTube link to Sandy and Danny belting out “Summer Lovin’,” you are about to be sorely disappointed.

I shall, instead, detail our periodic mini-vacay to visit the number one son at college, in the tiny town that can no longer support a substandard tapas restaurant (see Tapas con Pepsi and you will get the idea).  The good news is that the tapas place has been supplanted by a much higher functioning sushi- based establishment, and the shrimp served there now does not produce the aroma of ammonia.  Sadly, due to some tummy sensitivity issues, I am wary of much of the beautiful variety available, and went with a safe “teriyaki” dish.  Clearly, not the priority of the kitchen, so mediocre at best.

The next evening found me eating a sandwich whose plate level bread was sodden with whatever moisture should have remained separate from the bread.  News flash: insufficient grilling of grilled sandwiches makes for grease sponge.

Clearly, I am in need of a new strategy for eating out on a weekend out of town in Culinary Desert, USA.  As always, your suggestions are shredder fodder  welcome, but I am leaning toward one new and shining policy: 

Order dessert as main course.

It’s cheaper, so if they screw it up, one feels less disappointed and pissy.

Restaurant staff can relax a bit, and may be inclined to add extra whipped cream to show their appreciation for your loving gesture.  I keep my favorite blog/waitress in mind here, javaj240.  Surely, it is logical to assume that dessert orderers are a more jovial lot than your average customer. . .

In a related story, I am also considering just bringing along my Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer, which is my new favorite product of all time based on Amazon published reviews.  I think you’ll agree that it was worth wading through the drivel above to get to the drivel below.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
33,960 of 34,241 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars No more winning for you, Mr. Banana! March 3, 2011
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story.Banana slicer…thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.

Was this review helpful to you?
18,720 of 18,905 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Saved my marriage July 30, 2012
What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…. this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices. It’s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old “I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?” and of course, “You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!” These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!

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10,766 of 10,886 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT Gift August 3, 2012
Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using – it works much better.
Ordering one for my nephew who’s in the air force in California. He’s been using an old slinky to slice his banana’s. He should really enjoy this product!

6 Responses to “Destination: Grease”

  1. rossmurray1 Says:

    Those comments are gold, although I see a flaw in the rigid banana-shaped design parameters of the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer; I’ve known a few kinky bananas in my day… Wait, what were we talking about?

  2. There’s a great restaurant in our town that serves amazing Italian Beef sandwiches but the bread does get a bit soggy. I can live with it but once when we took my mother in law there she got so grossed out by the soggy bread that she pushed her plate aside and dug in her purse and pulled out a banana! She seemed perfectly content just peeling it and eating it but I’m sure her experience would have been even greater with this handy dandy product!

  3. UndercoverL Says:

    Cried. Loved it. Made my mother-blinking day.

  4. Katie Says:

    Best comments EVER. Laughing hysterically. My dog is afraid. Thanks for the laugh!

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