Dear Would-Be Life Coach,
Thank you for your interest in Uplifting University! Here at Uplifting U, we pride ourselves on turning out some of today’s best, brightest, and most motivating of the I-Know-and-Eat-Better-Than-You-AND-I- Do-Yoga professionals.
To find out if Uplifting U is right for you, we suggest you begin by completing the following brief questionnaire.
1) Do you begin and end every conversation with reminders of your belief in the shortcomings of the person with whom you are conversing?
A. Only 75% of the time.
B. Never! That would be abusive and discouraging!
C. Of course! How else will they remember how much their way sucks and how critical it is that they do it your way?
2) When someone shares an idea with you, you
A. Smack yourself in the head to keep from rolling your eyes.
B. Listen intently, then thank them and comment on something positive in what they shared.
C. Become tense, then say, “Wellllllllll, no.”
3) When someone describes an emotional family crisis, you
A. Check your i-Phone frequently to be sure you are not missing important spreadsheets from work.
B. Sit quietly with them, assuring them that you want to do whatever you can to help them to make it through their tough time.
C. Relate a story about the time you found out that your purebred show dog could not reproduce its champion blood line.
If you chose two or three “B” answers, you may be Uplifting U material! Go to our website and download the full application!
If you chose two or three “A” answers, you may want to consult a life coach, rather than become one. . .We suggest you do this sooner rather than later, as it is our experience that these questionnaire responses may indicate an asshole condition.
If you chose two or three “C” answers, please go to the Never Be a Life Coach! registry and enter your name immediately. Next, follow the instructions for “A” answers—quickly.