For realsies

Cop-out Gifts From Gentlemen to Ladies November 28, 2013

Filed under: fashion,girl stuff,humor,music,Style — peachyteachy @ 7:59 pm
Tags: , ,

Fragrance purchases are the lamest of the lame of the stuff that guys cop out and buy for their ladies.  I have never spoken to one woman friend who expressed a desire to receive fragrance.  Incidentally, guys, they don’t want lingerie in a size too small, either.

It pisses me off that I can’t understand fragrance commercials. The Katy Perry one? “Killer Queen?” If Freddie Mercury showed up, singing the song from the grave, a la that puzzling ad for Dior where Charlize Theron chums it up with Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe—if that happened, THAT would give it some street cred.  Am I really supposed to buy this empowerment message, that Katy is so free when she cuts off her corset (oh, wait–she kept the corset. Cuz it’s hot.)?

The problem is that these ads are all shot through the most male heterosexual lens possible.  Thus the absence of Freddie Mercury, in all his gay and brilliant glory. 

Just know, guys, that a gift card to anywhere that is not a grocery store or a vacuum cleaner dealer is gonna get you more game than a damned overpriced bottle of perfume.  Face it; so many people these days have asthma and can’t deal with smelling stuff anyway.

The exception to this rule: if you are eight years old and you pick out perfume from Rite Aid for your mommy.  You are golden.  Come to think of it, perhaps this is why men think that cologne is the ticket for getting that special reaction.  That’s sweet.  But that ship has sailed, Skippy.



Gratitude In Your Face November 25, 2013

Filed under: education,humor,teaching — peachyteachy @ 7:49 pm

If you read yesterday’s post, you are familiar with one of my star students. Today’s written assignment was designed to celebrate this special time of year.  She didn’t actually listen to the directions, however. We have been writing about how you take care of something. So she combined that with “I am thankful for. . .”

Her response:

” I am thankful because I take care of my teacher. My teacher is old so old.”

Dammit! And I thought I was looking okay for a Monday. Apparently, I need to order me one of those “Hurry Canes.” It would probably help to keep the kids herded together in the halls.

One more thing:  AARP, you can stop sending me membership cards.  I can’t afford the dues, on account of the enormous amounts of money I am spending on canes, depends, and anti-aging skin care.



Math Mastery November 24, 2013

Filed under: education,humor,teaching — peachyteachy @ 8:17 pm
Tags: , ,

Perhaps you have heard some of the uproar over our latest curriculum dictator, known as Fidel Common Core. Things need to be more “rigorous.” Here’s a second grade example. I was going to include a photo of this student response, but you are going to have to take my word on this one. The photo looks like it was written on one-ply bathroom tissue (incidentally, I cannot recall the last time I referred to toilet paper as “bathroom tissue”).

Assessment question:

Ms. O’Hara has 21 students in her second grade classroom .  All of them have 10 toes and 10 fingers.

a) Write the total number of toes of the students using hundreds, tens and ones.  Explain using words, pictures or numbers.

My kid’s response: 

“The students have 10 toes and fingers because they are a person I now (know) why they have 10 toes and fingers cause they eat food a lot these students are they eat good food. ” In a box in the same space, she wrote 1020.

WTF?  I assure you that I have taught no connection between number of toes and the correlation between that and food.

b) One day, three students are absent.  How many students are in Ms. O’Hara’s class that day? Skip-count to show the number of their toes. Explain using words, pictures or numbers.

Her answer:

“The students all have ten toes and the students have bones on they toes.”

Off to med school.


Buzzed (not drunk) With Power-Dangers of Blog Awards November 23, 2013

Filed under: blogging,humor,music,television — peachyteachy @ 2:50 pm

Good things awaited me this morning when I woke.

1) It was not 5:30 or earlier.  7:30 is a super Saturday luxury!

2) I received a lovely and complimentary comment from Genevieve at Coloring Outside the Lines . She has nominated me for the dangerously named Most Influential Blogger Award.  Thanks for the love, Genevieve!  I can call myself an MIB. 


As you can imagine, I was pretty pumped, and since it’s been awhile since I did one of the beloved blog-chainers that allow us to give props to a set number of other bloggers I cheerfully accept and comply with the guidelines.   The rules are stringent and demanding.  Failure to meet the requirements results in mandatory jail time.  Except in Canada.

That is completely untrue, and I apologize to anyone I nominate who feels pressured, bothered, or pissed off by the suggestion that the best thing you can come up with today is a handful of responses to arbitrary questions, and a list of links to other people’s worlds. Here’s how to be the MOST Most Influential Blogger:

1. Display the Award on your Blog.
2. Announce your win with a post and thank the Blogger who awarded you.
3. Present 10 deserving Bloggers with the Award. 
4. Link your awardees in the post and let them know of their being awarded with a comment.
5. Answer each of the 10 questions that your awarder asked, and then write 10 for your awardees (or use the same ones up to you)

1) What is your favorite season?

I like cinnamon. 

That’s as close as I can get.  I am passionately in love with spring, summer, and fall—and I try passionately to not complain about winter. Until March. So, my favorite season is not March.

2)  Who is your favorite singer?

Shut up. Who has a favorite singer? I have about sixty-seven of them.  I dig Regina Spektor, Van Morrison, Jane Siberry (pre-Issa), Dylan, Kate Nash, Dave Matthews, 

3)  What is your favorite kind of music?

Nothing that can be played quietly as background music—I like to LISTEN to it and I like to HEAR the amazingness of what people do to make a song great.  Pick a favorite genre? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Fine. Progressive tuba.  

4)  Who is your favorite author?

I read a lot of David Sedaris, Anne Lamott, and I am pretty into Louise Erdrich. 

5)  If you had enough money, what charity would you donate to?

Give it to the Dalai Lama and let him decide what’s best. 

6)  If you had enough money, what room in your home would you renovate?

First choice:  turn the attic into a master bedroom. Second choice: Build an office/media room out of mason jars.  

7)  What is your favorite television show?

Arrested Development. 

8)  Which of these is your most favorite drink: Pepsi – Coke – Ice Tea – Water?

Coke.  I drink more water than Coke, but it seems way too raw foodie to say that water is my “most favorite.”

9)  Do you own a desktop PC or laptop…or both?

Laptop. Unless you count the dead ones. 

10)  What would you rather do for relaxation, read a book or watch television?

Yeah, I’m a teacher, but I really like a lot of things on TV. 

Now for MY questions! 

1) What is your favorite seasoning? 

2) Who are your favorite and least favorite child actors?

3) If you had a time machine and could go back in time to make sure that one song was never recorded, what song would it be?

4) What is the best thing about blogging, for you?

5) Food processor or sledge hammer? Why?

6) What is the lamest health and beauty product you have ever purchased? Is it still in your bathroom/makeup bag/hall closet?

7) Where do you stand on the unicorn question? Alternate assignment: make up a unicorn question.

8) How long has it been since you bought a box of 64 Crayola crayons? Alternate assignment: make up another unicorn question.

9) What color was the last can of paint you purchased? Have you painted anything with that paint?

10) Who is your favorite couple/love story? Real, fictional, alive, dead.  

Now, for the lucky recipients who get to answer the questions (if they choose not to become fugitives of the law)! The rules say “deserving,” but if this is a nightmare for any of you, I really didn’t mean to imply. . . I would actually love to hear responses to those questions from some of my fave bloggers–but I have bugged them before with this sort of thing, so I am trying to spread the obligation feeling around. Answer the questions with no strings attached! Do it!

But not you guys: It’s funny, and dadulous, and sporty. Teacher friendly. This chick owns a spinning bike! So, yes, it’s a fitness blog. Except it’s not. Always in the virtual bleachers to cheer me on! Just some funny writing here. Because every day needs a top ten of something. Another teacher who remembers Schoolhouse Rock.


Insecure Writers, Rest Easy November 18, 2013

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching,writing — peachyteachy @ 9:37 pm

I know how many of you choose November to flex your writing muscles—what with the various “No’s” and “WriMos” and mustachios in the air.

I am here to bring you good tidings.  You need no longer steal furtive glances over your shoulder at the overwhelming fear that you are about to be overtaken in the November writing game by one of my students.

The only competition that these darlings are going to win is the race to use the fewest capital letters.  At the beginning of sentences, I mean.  There are veritable craploads of capitals being tossed about, just for the joy of capitalization itself.

foR examPLe, me and my fiEnd went To the mAll itwas so so so so fUn.

I know! For a second there, I thought I was reading the Unabomber manifesto, too! I’m not sure which celebration of November manifesto-writing that fellow engaged in, but he was definitely on the shaving wagon.

My son tried to read one of my kids papers and it sounded like nothing so much as Middle English.  I call this kid out all the time (my student, not my son) because he is out of control and I have to, even though he can’t help it much of the time.  Who knew he was writing the latter day Canterbury Tales?  The translation of his truly illegible writing was this: “Today my teacher is my best friend. We work together a long time. We read together. She helps me spell words.” (Virtually every word is misspelled. So touching.)

So, friends, carry on.  All is well.  Happy November.  I remain, proudly,


Dream Stuff November 10, 2013

Filed under: humor,inspiration,life,school,teaching,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 6:06 pm

I am quite sure that writing about some dream you had lands you solidly in the territory of “lame blog post.”

But I actually had this dream.


It was embarrassingly epic.

The world was about to end. Pure and simple. No choices, no bargains.

It was so profoundly sad.  I was with my sweet boy, but there were so many dreams that would never be.

The big point was that NONE of the crap at work, in educational reform, in data, in targeted instruction, meant one tiny thing.

The only thing that mattered was the people.  That’s ALL. The hug I gave to my student  at the farmer’s market—that was beautiful and enormous.  Her score on a test– that was microscopic.


Special Effects on the Doc Cam! November 6, 2013

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 7:40 pm
Tags: ,

This is my best friend at work, the document camera.  You place the paper up on the surface, and you can project all of your work as you do it.  In the olden days (for me, two years ago), you had to make a transparency of everything that you wanted to be able to show onscreen.  I don’t have a Smartboard, or even a computer that can support Flash reliably. Today, I used an “effect” in order to be able to view a magic board. I can’t explain what that is, except to state that there are metal shavings and magnets involved. And you write on it and it’s magic. It’s too dark to see on the screen (and by “screen” I mean the big piece of white paper taped to my chalkboard that masquerades as a screen each and every day).

There is an “effect” that does a little x-ray looking thing, reversing dark to light, etc. (the ultimate super hero power). When I put that thing on, it essentially sparked a full-on riot in my classroom.

Ever the fan of a good riot, I showed them the rest of the extremely limited menu of effects.  Suddenly, everyone was calling out,”It’s like the 80’s! It’s the 80’s!” I thought that perhaps I was missing some psychedelic situation on the screen, and they were confused in their decade identification skills.  Well, they were.  Except when I asked them what they meant, they all went bananas because the screen was all in black and white.

Like the 80’s.


Hey, Hey, What Can I Do? November 5, 2013

I climbed into the car after work today and this lovely tune started to play.

It was sublime.

Then things went south.

“From the sublime to the ridiculous,” is an expression that is often uttered in my interior monologue. I went from marveling at how amazingly good it felt inside to hear the chord progression of that obscure little Zeppelin tune, to the musical nails on a chalkboard.

I will not pollute my blog with any link or video of the endless George Thorogood song that followed.  I am the anti-fan of George Thorogood.  Suffice it to say that I was desperate to get out of the car by the time we got home.

I’m sorry if you are related to, or enamored of, George Thorogood.  He can’t follow “Hey, Hey, What Can I Do?” without sounding boring, stupid, and repetitive.

Then I voted. I bubbled in a bubble sheet.  The scanner machine said that I had done it incorrectly.  I had to darken my bubbles.  Then I had to get back in line to scan. Technology is so much better than when I could do the little metal flippy things.  There was something about sewers to vote on.  I said “no” to that, even though I couldn’t really read it, as I had left my spectacles in the car. My son and I both voted “no” on having judges be older and keep judging.  We agree that old white guys making decisions is one of our biggest problems.


Pinball Wizardry circa the 1980s November 3, 2013

Filed under: advertising,art,gaming,humor,life,toys — peachyteachy @ 7:46 am
Tags: , , , ,

In this, the season of gratitude (which, yes, should be every season), I am moved to remember and give thanks for an awesome gift from a bygone era: the Firepower pinball machine.

Imagine the grandeur of unlocking the MULTIBALL function—five balls released at once! The adrenaline! No amount of Swedish fish swimming across the screen could ever compare.

I was a freshman in college, and this was the last hurrah of the pinball years.  It was already competing with arcade video games.  Pacman was arrogant as hell. Firepower was pure.  It even talked to me! Its deep, computerized voice said things like, “Firepower,” and “Firepower.”  I believe that it even said, “Fire.” Heady stuff.

The beloved machine lived in the lobby of my dorm, and I think that I may have been in the minority of girls who liked that machine.   My guy friends and I frequently combined Firepower play with mind-altering substance play.

This is the point at which I should wax nostalgic about a “simpler time.”  This was the time of Reagan and the Talking Heads.  Nothing about that seemed simple to me, even though I know that many think of that time as historically halcyon.  A little hazy Firepower play took the edge off the fact that there were things called “Young Republicans” running around, poised to start their careers and define the ME Generation by their ME salaries.

I may have to write a grant to have one of these installed in my classroom.  I will update you on the Kickstarter campaign.

Oh, and don’t forget–

I remain, proudly,

YOU ARE A WINNER - 150 12X12



She’s inspired

Inspired to inspire


For realsies

Bill Pearse

Because you can never quarantine the past

Random and Scattered Thoughts!

I might not be always right, but it's my point of view.

Christopher De Voss

Life, Humor, And Zombies

ThinMan's Blog

A geezer's ramblings

Just a dad ...

Still a coach. Still a daddy. Just not Coach Daddy anymore.

Snapshots of Second Grade...and Shirley

Mrs. Tonnessen's Classroom Blog

Miss Lou Acquiring Lore

Gallery of Life...

The Irrefutable Opinion

Assaults on the Casually Mundane by K. Jean King

Mister G Kids

A daily comic about real stuff little kids say in school. By Matt Gajdoš

The Blog of Funny Names

Celebrating Great People With Greater Names.

Lame Adventures

A Humor Blog

The Magical Slow Cooker

Slow Cooker Recipes

Essential Bygone Housewifery

A daily assemblage of the obsolete, the antiquated, and the curious practices of the erstwhile homemakers of a vanished era. Including lost secrets in the areas of Cooking, Baking, Personal Care, Remedies, Cleaning, Entertaining, Crafting, Decorating, and other miscellany of household management.


For the Love of Vintage

Views from the Valley

Middle America musings

Bite Size Canada

Canadian trivia and history in bite size chunks!

The Tattooed Teacher

Adventures in Elementary School

The Great American Memoir!

Like, share, comment, follow, tweet, etc.

Glory Of Zig

I'll be the blog you're dreaming of

Photography and Travel


Crayons, cookies, cards, and cat hair.

life on wry

Life as a sandwich generation x’er, stacked with irony. As a ‘normal’ person peering out from the boundaries of suburbia, as a transplant from another state, maybe another planet. As a mother of teenage boys and freelance working writer balancing parenting with helping to care for my mother. And now as an only child of a mother with Alzheimer’s (which sucks).

%d bloggers like this: