For realsies

Fa-La-La-La-Loss December 28, 2013

Filed under: humor,inspiration,life,parenting — peachyteachy @ 9:02 pm
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This year, the holidays giveth, and the holidays taketh away.

It is not as if I invented this phenomenon; so many forms of loss take no vacations during the holiday season.  People die, people leave, people fall short of expectations.  And then we are stuck with those loss memories during the holidays for the rest of time.

For the Peachy household, this was the year that the recent college graduate got a job in a big city, and left the day after Christmas.  Proud? Yes! Excited for him? Yes!

Heartbroken? That too.  This is it.  This is IT.  We had settled into the “I have a kid at college” routine, where we looked forward to those extended breaks, and had a period of sadness after the return to school.

Then, after graduation, we had an extended period of transition—a lovely time, in many ways—one that would, arguably, have festered after a time into something far less desirable.  But, as it was, not bad at all, especially for little brother.

I have this weird guilt about the fact that my chance to be the perfect parent has just expired.  The most foolish of aspirations, haunting me.  He brought a package of tempera paints over from cleaning his room at his dad’s house.  I bought those paints when he was little.  Clearly, we didn’t paint enough.   He’ll probably bring that to therapy.  Or, worse, to some future girlfriend.  She’ll breezily break out a whimsical art project, and he will confide in her the insecurities born of those early non-tempera painting projects. “Even though the paint was there all the time!”

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how proud and excited you are for your kid.  It’s your baby and, at some level,  your heart will never know how to let go.  You cry. You watch sit-coms. You research gourmet food stores near their new apartment.

Happy Holidays.



9 Responses to “Fa-La-La-La-Loss”

  1. Exactly the way I feel, he’s always and forever my baby. Poor you, I know just how you feel. 😦

  2. My daughter is currently in her senior year of high school and I am going through all the emotions about how this holiday is the last of holidays were she will be living with me. Next fall it’s off to college. It’s such a hard thing to let go even though we know that this is all part of what we want for them. I can understand somewhat of what you’re feeling 😦

    • peachyteachy Says:

      I guess that we are designed to let go. It doesn’t feel that way, though.

      • No, it certainly does not. The only reason I said I can understand somewhat how you feel is because my daughter will be local for college. I have yet to experience the pain of her moving far away. I’ll most likely just pick up and move right along with her though lol. I couldn’t bear being far apart

  3. Katie Says:

    I hear ya! My daughter moved out a year ago, flexing those independence wings as she finished her last year of college. She graduated this past Friday. It would have been the most awesome and magical day–except while she was at my house for her party, her bedroom caught on fire! She lost everything! Thank goodness she was with me and not there, but it’s been an emotional roller coaster.

    The good news? She moved back in with us! Sure, I lost my office/guest room. But who cares?! I’m going to enjoy this while it lasts…

  4. suzanne seacord Says:

    You have no idea what a PERECT parent you were . . . for Cody.

    He has your love of literature, broadway and his little brother . . . because of you.

    He is intelligent and kind and funny . . . because of you,

    And he is ready to spread those wings and take flight . . . because of you.

    Don’t worry. He’ll always be there . . . for you,

    • peachyteachy Says:

      Thanks for reminding me of the distinction between being a perfect parent, and being THE perfect parent for my kid–perfection gets to be a little bit bigger and more forgiving.

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