For realsies

Two Blogging Years February 5, 2014

Filed under: advertising,blogging,humor,television,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 7:23 pm
Tags: ,

I probably should have something more reflective to share. After all, I have stuck with the blogging thing for two years, posted more than 200 posts, and connected with a few folks who have enhanced my world.

Still, the burning issue that keeps nagging at me is the fact that I hate the yellow pants in this insurance ad.

Who made this decision? It works within the “cautionary tale” genre, I suppose, which fits with insurance.

Thanks to my lovely readers who patiently humor me in my yellow pants moments. And I promise you that you will never have to see me in those (or any) yellow pants.  There are advantages to anonymity.


Clamoring masses asked for it—2013 in review December 31, 2013

Filed under: birthday party,blogging,holiday,humor — peachyteachy @ 11:37 am

One of my favorite phrases read recently comes from a post by LameAdventures, where she waxes eloquent about her massive following, calling them “the anemic swarm.” I love that so much that I have fully adopted it as my mental mantra when I think of my own little bunch of readers.  The number grows, slowly and regularly, but most posts draw a comfy crowd of ten or so, preserving my commitment to one day gather my readers in a Wendy’s restaurant.  In Hawaii.

The most useful feature of WordPress’ handy-dandy report was that it made me click on my most-viewed post, only to find that my very own photo had been removed.  Sad, as that post, Teacher vs. Wild, was short on words and long on student “work.” So I fixed it.  Just for you.

It’s always great to see that a mediocre post like The Perfect My Little Pony Party, about throwing the perfectly ironic party for my 20-year-old son, still gets lots of views by earnest moms searching through Pinterest to plan impressive galas for their four-year-old daughters.

Thanks, WordPress, for the New Year’s Resolution inspirations, too!

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,500 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 58 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.


Laws of Science Shattered by Peachyteachy! December 11, 2013


Oh, the splendor of blogging.  I’m sure you agree.

But did you realize that blogging defies the laws of time and space? WHAAAAAT? Get Neil deGrassi Tyson on the line!

All true.

Because, guess what? I have exactly one viewer today.  And that viewer is from Canada (I love me some Canada)! But, here’s the coolness: that viewer, according to my scientific stats on Scientific Stat Central WordPress Keeping Track 0’Stuff 3000, is also from SWITZERLAND!!!!!

Dual citizenship is the best I can make of it, without getting into visions of blog readers being torn asunder limb from limb in order to inhabit Canada and Switzerland simultaneously. All in all, though, it strikes me as a message of unity and a reminder of Swiss Cheese, Swiss Miss, the Swiss Alps, poutine, and conflicted French language issues, all rolled into a seasonal basket from Swiss Canada Colony.

In a largely unrelated note, could someone please inform the overly friendly folks over at that I am not a dude? My junk mail folder runneth over with very sub-Neil deGrassi Tyson subject lines.

Arguably, this strange and miniscule demographic phenomenon has something to do with my continued proud standing:



Buzzed (not drunk) With Power-Dangers of Blog Awards November 23, 2013

Filed under: blogging,humor,music,television — peachyteachy @ 2:50 pm

Good things awaited me this morning when I woke.

1) It was not 5:30 or earlier.  7:30 is a super Saturday luxury!

2) I received a lovely and complimentary comment from Genevieve at Coloring Outside the Lines . She has nominated me for the dangerously named Most Influential Blogger Award.  Thanks for the love, Genevieve!  I can call myself an MIB. 


As you can imagine, I was pretty pumped, and since it’s been awhile since I did one of the beloved blog-chainers that allow us to give props to a set number of other bloggers I cheerfully accept and comply with the guidelines.   The rules are stringent and demanding.  Failure to meet the requirements results in mandatory jail time.  Except in Canada.

That is completely untrue, and I apologize to anyone I nominate who feels pressured, bothered, or pissed off by the suggestion that the best thing you can come up with today is a handful of responses to arbitrary questions, and a list of links to other people’s worlds. Here’s how to be the MOST Most Influential Blogger:

1. Display the Award on your Blog.
2. Announce your win with a post and thank the Blogger who awarded you.
3. Present 10 deserving Bloggers with the Award. 
4. Link your awardees in the post and let them know of their being awarded with a comment.
5. Answer each of the 10 questions that your awarder asked, and then write 10 for your awardees (or use the same ones up to you)

1) What is your favorite season?

I like cinnamon. 

That’s as close as I can get.  I am passionately in love with spring, summer, and fall—and I try passionately to not complain about winter. Until March. So, my favorite season is not March.

2)  Who is your favorite singer?

Shut up. Who has a favorite singer? I have about sixty-seven of them.  I dig Regina Spektor, Van Morrison, Jane Siberry (pre-Issa), Dylan, Kate Nash, Dave Matthews, 

3)  What is your favorite kind of music?

Nothing that can be played quietly as background music—I like to LISTEN to it and I like to HEAR the amazingness of what people do to make a song great.  Pick a favorite genre? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Fine. Progressive tuba.  

4)  Who is your favorite author?

I read a lot of David Sedaris, Anne Lamott, and I am pretty into Louise Erdrich. 

5)  If you had enough money, what charity would you donate to?

Give it to the Dalai Lama and let him decide what’s best. 

6)  If you had enough money, what room in your home would you renovate?

First choice:  turn the attic into a master bedroom. Second choice: Build an office/media room out of mason jars.  

7)  What is your favorite television show?

Arrested Development. 

8)  Which of these is your most favorite drink: Pepsi – Coke – Ice Tea – Water?

Coke.  I drink more water than Coke, but it seems way too raw foodie to say that water is my “most favorite.”

9)  Do you own a desktop PC or laptop…or both?

Laptop. Unless you count the dead ones. 

10)  What would you rather do for relaxation, read a book or watch television?

Yeah, I’m a teacher, but I really like a lot of things on TV. 

Now for MY questions! 

1) What is your favorite seasoning? 

2) Who are your favorite and least favorite child actors?

3) If you had a time machine and could go back in time to make sure that one song was never recorded, what song would it be?

4) What is the best thing about blogging, for you?

5) Food processor or sledge hammer? Why?

6) What is the lamest health and beauty product you have ever purchased? Is it still in your bathroom/makeup bag/hall closet?

7) Where do you stand on the unicorn question? Alternate assignment: make up a unicorn question.

8) How long has it been since you bought a box of 64 Crayola crayons? Alternate assignment: make up another unicorn question.

9) What color was the last can of paint you purchased? Have you painted anything with that paint?

10) Who is your favorite couple/love story? Real, fictional, alive, dead.  

Now, for the lucky recipients who get to answer the questions (if they choose not to become fugitives of the law)! The rules say “deserving,” but if this is a nightmare for any of you, I really didn’t mean to imply. . . I would actually love to hear responses to those questions from some of my fave bloggers–but I have bugged them before with this sort of thing, so I am trying to spread the obligation feeling around. Answer the questions with no strings attached! Do it!

But not you guys: It’s funny, and dadulous, and sporty. Teacher friendly. This chick owns a spinning bike! So, yes, it’s a fitness blog. Except it’s not. Always in the virtual bleachers to cheer me on! Just some funny writing here. Because every day needs a top ten of something. Another teacher who remembers Schoolhouse Rock.


Bloggers Unpressed, Unite! October 26, 2013

I read a blogpost earlier that was addressed to the Freshly Pressed Olympic Selection committee: Dear WordPress…What Am I, Chopped Liver?.

I was inspired. In an effort to determine how long I have been blogging, and therefore how many days I have succeeded in avoiding becoming Freshly Pressed (face it; it sounds a bit painful, after all), I found a cool site that does that figuring out for you!

What coolness yonder breaks!  Go there if you are practicing constructive procrastination!

Remember the old days when you had to do some fancy paper-pencil calculation to figure out such irrelevant drivel? I, for one, am offering up a prayer of gratitude for this heretofore undreamed of convenience!

Which reminded me of how lucky I am to have an automatic washer, unlike that poor osteoporosis sufferer-in-training above, who delighted in the state-of-the-art wringer machine she received one special Mother’s Day or anniversary.  Diamonds, schmiamonds.

I am guessing that that wringer action is what being Freshly Pressed is like.  This is my response to my friend Princess Rosebud‘s post bemoaning her own tenure as an NFP (Not Freshly Pressed) blogger: make it cool to be NFP!  I’m at 631 proud, mediocre blogger days.  I have also managed to keep my Twitter following down to exactly 20. That’s some exclusive club, man.

Further research led me to this gem, a blast from the past from Le Clown, who has since been Pressed.  Good to know that we were, at least for awhile, in good company.


Midsummer Multiple Personalities August 11, 2013

Here is an example of my midsummer monkey mind.  It is an old public service announcement that single-handedly pushed countless teens into break dancing and drugs.  Amanda, Queen of the Furfiles, this is what I was talking about.  You really should watch it, even if you pitch your tent in the “No one wants to watch a video in a blog” camp.

On an almost completely unrelated note, I am also in the throes of summer professional development and school supply purchasing so that I will have more than three students who have needed materials–beyond one sparkly folder and a stash of the mechanical pencils that simply have no place in the world until ADHD has been eradicated.

Buying school supplies is a form of reluctant  surrender, and an admission that yes, summer will end.  It’s pretty sucky poo-poo.  A few years ago, one of the big office supply stores was situated next to a liquor store.  I have no idea how it is possible that it was the liquor store that went out of business. It sure as hell was not due to a lack of sales to teachers.  Probably due to the seasonality of all that teacher biz, as the only time we can afford to shop there is when there are penny specials and we send every member of our family in  to get their quota (meager though it is–see my ornery rant about Staples–who have been joined in stinginess this year by Office Max.  No, I can’t just send a supply list home! ).  Let’s not minimize the fact that I am also purchasing supplies for my own biological child, whose teacher feels that it is reasonable to ask for 100 pencils (to be repurchased in January) AND a pack of dry erase markers!  If one of my students came to school with dry erase markers, I would bake that kid a pan of brownies.  Those suckers cost a dollar apiece!!!  What the hell is in there, octopus placenta?

The only person who has any business spending multi-dollars on pens is Peachy herself.  Super-glidey pens with the friction of a curling court.  Or whatever it’s called.   The liquor store should start selling those, because there are times during the workday when sipping margaritas would raise eyebrows, but writing with a smooth, oh-so-fancy pen can stand in as a perfectly acceptable sub-addiction.   We educators really don’t require so much to keep us entertained.

Neither does this dude.  Oh, I love so much about this picture.  The pipe, the happy folks behind the windows, all of it.  Monkey mind.

Image source


Abusing My Readers with Outlawed Topics April 2, 2013

Filed under: blogging,humor — peachyteachy @ 3:34 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Why do I get email from WebMD? Whose brilliant idea was that? Apparently, it was that of the same person who reads those emails late at night, when browsing WebMD is tantamount to watching “Friday the 13th”—except I would NEVER subject myself to that craziness!

As an email hoarder with an ever-expanding-capacity inbox containing over 16,000 unread emails, the urgency of cleaning up the thing really doesn’t hold much sway.  Let’s just sweep up all those emails from Pizza Hut.  There! Only 15, 996! It’s just silly. So, screw it.  Sorting through the piles of physical, paper mail seems a much more worthwhile, if lightly nauseating, task.

Oh, hell. I have exceeded the 100-word limit for writing about email.  The shame! I will stop.  Someone whose post I read in Freshly Pressed recently decreed (or implied a decree) that such topic-ry was redundant, dull, and borderline abusive to one’s poor, poor readers.  It rests somewhere between excerpts from one’s spam folder and Dear Universe posts.

In my quest to achieve the endurance record of longest running never-pressed blog (fresh or otherwise), you may know that I have waded in the no-no waters before. I have ignored  The Funny Rules and practiced abysmal Twitter.  I don’t tag nearly as thoroughly as some of my fellow bloggers.

I am left begging for forgiveness, and promising that I will not ever describe the loss of the umbilical cord of either of my children.  Mostly because I have forgotten.



My Special Day, or Where’s the Damn Bubbly? February 3, 2013

Filed under: blogging,humor — peachyteachy @ 7:57 am
Tags: ,

Happy Anniversary!

You registered on 1 years ago!

From an organization that is borderline obsessed with grammar, being congratulated for writing a blog for 1 years was a breath of fresh air. It’s the paper anniversary, yes? I will be expecting the hard copy in this week’s mail.

Apparently, I wrote my first post on Groundhog Day, exactly 1 years ago!

I have written 113 posts (counting this one).

I have amassed a following of 103 readers.  I am fond of saying that my followers could fit inside a Wendy’s.  It’s nice that it’s getting a little crowded in there, so we can move it over to the tire store next to the Wendy’s.  I don’t want anyone to have to go without Frosties.

I have an unofficial handful of readers with whom I would really like to meet and share a beverage, preferably but not necessarily somewhere other than Wendy’s or the tire store.  You regulars, you know who you are, and you are part of my sanity parachute.

I have 14 followers on Twitter.  I try to keep it down around a dozen, just so that THOSE followers can fit inside the bathrooms at Wendy’s. How do I manage those numbers, you wonder? Just by being really, really bad at Twitter.  I am peachyteachy5 in the aviary, which implies that there are 4 previous peachyteachies tweeting and hashing around over there, and that’s a little disconcerting, isn’t it?

Words of Wisdom for a One Year Anniversary:

It ain’t a competition.

To quote a wise woman,

“Attention all parents of elementary school athletes – NCAA Division One college scouts are not at your 5th grader’s basketball game.”

This would imply that you might want to reconsider your statement that you will “Launch a formal protest” about the outcome of your third grader’s “Let’s race boats in a rain gutter by blowing through a straw” competition.  There is no Raingutter Regatta Governing Body–just the poor parent who volunteered to help set up.

When I blog, there is no one scrutinizing me to find out why my students, who have uniformly failed every state test they’ve ever taken in the past, are not showing adequate growth within the new, more difficult, faster-paced curriculum and instruction.

It’s a cool thing to be able to be imperfect and bitchy and unprofessional.







Very Inspiring Non-Canadian Blogger Award Recipient Sings “Oh, Canada!” January 6, 2013

Filed under: blogging,humor,inspiration — peachyteachy @ 8:48 am
Tags: ,


Wow! My French tutor of the blogosphere, Ross Murray of Drinking Tips for Teens has nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. He’s not French.  He does live in Quebec, which is a chillier version of the same thing, as far as I can tell.  I read his blog because it’s funny.

Rule #1 Link to your nominator/foreign language tutor in your blog.  

Rule #2  Tell seven(ish) things about your awesome self.  Or make some crap up.  Or write some slightly true, Canada-themed drivel. 

1) Ross will be happy to know that, yesterday, I wore a Canuck business suit to work (Denim on top and bottom–jeggings do not count as denim).  Then I came home and changed into slightly less tight denim on top and bottom to go out.  I did not rock it full on, according to the Urban Dictionary, because I did not have a denim shirt on hand to go with the pants and jacket.  It was a T-shirt emblazoned with all of my New Year’s Resolutions across the front.

2) I have never lived in a state that does not border Canada.

3) Somewhere in my house, there is a Nunavut pen. Nunavut has the coolest flag ever. Look.

Nunavut also has a Coat of Arms that should be nominated for the Very Inspiring Coat of Arms. Look.  Is that a narwhal??? I can barely breathe.

Those images were found on the Wikipedia page linked above, image protectors.

4) I have driven in Canada.  A lot.  I still can’t do the conversions to buy gas, to avoid speeding, or to plan what to wear for the weather.  I could tell you a couple of places NOT to eat.

5) I have unsuccessfully attempted to see the film “Men With Brooms,” which is one in a string of feature films about the high stakes world of curling.  It’s been my secret New Year’s Resolution every year since it was released. Somewhere. Possibly in Nunavut.  Now I have to come up with a new secret resolution.  Thank goodness I have almost a whole year in which to plan.

6) I like keeping some Canadian money on hand. Why? Canada has fun currency! Loonies and toonies and better-than-Monopoly paper money!  It also makes cashiers uncomfortable. You find out the caliber of your cashier PDQ when you include some Canadian coins in your payment.

7) Next to my pile of Canadian cash, I like to keep a couple of tasty confections that one cannot obtain without an intimate conversation with the friendly folks at the border patrol.  Aero, Skybar, Coffee Crisp. Read about Canadian candy here. While none of these treats will ever replace Lindt as my go-to indulgence (any brand that is pronounced like something that can cause dryer fires, yet still makes one’s mouth water—you’ve got to respect that), it’s still compelling stuff when you are in line at the Canadian gas station, trying to figure out how many litres of petrol you’ve just pumped.

Rule #3 Share some blogs that you want to share. 

Life on Wry May have pioneered the first Salad-Named-After-a-Blog.  But it’s not a food blog.

Motherhood Is An Art artfully navigating raising some awesome little minis.

The Chubby Mermaid  My favorite blog written by a mermaid, hands down. A Southern Californian who periodically swings by my blog and reads, like, ten posts.  I can’t even read ten of my posts in one sitting.

Quickwittier Don’t expect to identify this one by the stick figure sticker in the rear window.

Finally, one very inspiring song by a Canadian:


Liebster Award Parade November 23, 2012

Filed under: blogging,humor — peachyteachy @ 2:31 pm

Wow! Ambling and Rambling has honored me by nominating me for the coveted Liebster Award! Thanks! It’s another award icon that I can’t fit in my sidebar without kicking out the last pretty little award icon.  Clearly, my theme is driven by a “What have you done for me lately?” consciousness.

I must have really arrived as a blogger with this one, since its requirements include that I must tell, not seven, but ELEVEN fascinating things about me! In essence, then, it’s a fiction-writing challenge.

1) As a child, I used a shampoo called “Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific.” I really did. It really did.

2) I once owned a cat named Shrapnel.

3) I learned to swim in a big lake, not a pool.  I had to go to swimming lessons at 9:00 a.m. at aforementioned lake the day after having seen the film “Jaws” for the first time.   Pools still feel foreign to me–but I acknowledge the advantage of a guaranteed shark-free swimming experience.

4) I have never been on a cruise.  It’s not because of the sharks.

5) The internet thinks that I am a guy and that I might one day decide to explore the world of “enlargement.” If I were truly savvy about increasing my blog traffic, I would have stated that in much more direct terms.  But my readers are a subtle lot who can figure these things out without my naming genitalia.  Besides, that’s not my thing.  I leave that territory to Tracy, Fern, and Rebecca.

6) I am a committed recycler.  I have a “Recycling Deputy” badge to prove it.  And the garbage men just picked up the garbage—hoisting my two full recycling bins and dumping them into the garbage truck. I am livid. Had I known this, I would have either withheld my recycling til next week when they weren’t feeling so pressed due to the post-Thanksgiving catch up rush, OR I would have ditched a bunch of shit from the fridge without rinsing and disposing of the moldy contents.  I like to think that I would have done the former.

7) It’s really hard for me to come up with the blog list for this deal—I have a limited list of blogs that I follow, because I have a hard time keeping up with the prolific folks that I want to read.  Do other people really keep up with this stuff? Yet another argument for quitting my job. Also a pre-emptive apology if I re-nominate you and you are tired of this sort of thing.  It’s only because I love you. Or think that you are deliciously weird.

8) I suck at twitter. Sometimes, a couple of people will accidentally follow me.  Then they say to themselves, “Wow. She sucks at twitter.” And they unfollow me.  So I have approximately exactly seven followers.  If you want to follow someone who is unashamedly inadequate  at twitter, it’s peachyteachy5. I won’t hold my breath.  #Isuckattwitter

9) I used to alternate between three pseudonyms: Zippy the Chimp, Marlin Perkins, and Yassir Arafat.  When I say “used to,” I mean many, many moons ago.

10) I confess to having committed the federal crime of sending a matchbook through the mail.  Whilst posing as Marlin Perkins, most likely. Just another example of my wild, edgy life.

11) If the question is “Sea Monkeys?” the answer is yes. In a necklace.

But enough about me.

speaker7 is a new discovery for me–strange, funny randomness.

Christopher De Voss has done some interesting research, on Pringles and Uno, stuff like that. FYI: those names are registered trademarks. You’re welcome.

tracyfulks is out there. Which makes it more fun to be in here. Hilarious, often, but also crazy real at times.

hikingphoto –Gorgeous photography. I am partial to the outside kind.

So I Went Undercover is also new to me—a cooking blog, as far as I can tell—if you like to burn stuff.

The Kitchen Slattern Speaks is a wealth of health and unhealth. And funny.

The Fur Files Indescribable. I don’t know how this woman gets so much writing done.  She also scours the web to find the most disturbing images of the most bizarre subjects—all so that we won’t have to.

Stuff Kids Write As a teacher whose students write some crazy things ( see masking tape inspiration ), I probably get a disproportionately large kick out of this stuff.

nailsbails– just funny writing.

And, two of my favorite VIDEO BLOGS!  Like reading, only not. My joyful awareness of their existence I owe to my college-age son.

vlogbrothers I have mentioned these guys before, but if we’re in the season of gratitude, I am truly grateful that John and Hank Green are doing their thing : “nerdy to the power of awesome.”

charlie is so cool like Charming, creative, very popular young Brit You Tuber.


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