peachyteachy

For realsies

Rage of the No-Bake Cookies March 21, 2015

I was so pissed tonight when I went to make No-Bake Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies, aka Cowpies, aka Pooper Cookies, —and there was almost no sugar! In a fit of rage,  I wrote “SUGAR” in Sharpie ink, many times, on the grocery list.  Then I told the dog to shut up. What the fuck is so hard about putting words on the damned grocery list? This is, after all, the definition of a sin of omission. A Seven Deadly Sin of Omission.

There is no question that this is disproportionate rage. I suspect that there may be hormones prodding at me with sharpened mini-spears, but then I think about the dismissal that accompanies hormone-related rage, and that just pisses me off more.  I am a good time today, for sure.  Then someone messes with my chocolate therapy.

As I was ascending the stairway, laptop in hand, I was asked if I was “going up?” No, I thought, I am going down in a massive fireball, and if you dare to make a comment about “going down,” you are going to experience post-fireball nuclear winter of biblical proportions.

I believe that I fall into the category of “peri-menopausal,” which means that I get the menopaus-ish crap AND the PMS-ish terrorism, only twice as often. This probably is why going to work on Mondays feels like the Bataan Death March (in addition to the fact that I am a teacher, and therefore responsible for the Pipeline to Prison}.  But, dude, don’t say a word about the hormones, because the result will be that I will, as the youngsters say, cut you.

I’m a good time, in case I didn’t mention it, or you missed it. .

I make up for it by making nice treats for the fam.   Unless someone has used up the sugar and failed to utilize the list that could be  employed  by a lobotomized chimpanzee.

For those of you who do keep the most basic of ingredients on hand, here’s the recipe!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/katie-lee/no-bake-cow-pile-cookies.html

image: http://thebestcookierecipes.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/peanut-butter-oatmeal-no-bake-cookie-recipe.jpg

 

I Love Hand-Me-Downs! March 12, 2014

Filed under: cooking,food,humor,life — peachyteachy @ 10:03 am
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This is my “newer” slow cooker! Okay, it’s my slow cooker’s identical twin.  You’ll notice that it lacks a touchscreen—that just means that it will last for another thirty years, all the while retaining its ability to tenderize a side of beef, given enough unattended hours.

The best thing about this baby is that it was free.  My older slow cooker was a yellow/greenish gingham number without a removable crock. We’re talking Flintstones era.

Yes, I am blessed to have a Kitchen Stuff Benefactor—it’s my friend Shazam, who lives in another state, and whom I visit on an annual basis.  When Shazam gets a new small appliance or kitchen item, I am pretty sure that she pops it into a box with my name on it.  If there are any other names on the box, Shazam, I don’t want to know.  This item, which is working on some corned beef as I write, was from several years ago.  Last year, I scored Shazam’s “extra” popover pan—her dinner parties’ loss was my gain! I am in love with popovers.

I do stroll down the slow cooker aisle at Target once in awhile.  Those snappy chevron stripe models are so seductive.  But if I bought a new one, I would probably end up with it hidden under a gingham crock cozy when I’m eighty.  And I wouldn’t think of my friend Shazam whenever I cook slowly.  Our arrangement is so much better.

Of course, I have to balance this generosity with a fair amount of Salvation Army donation on my part.  That’s what summer is for.

 

 

Peachy’s Inferno March 9, 2014

Filed under: cooking,food,humor — peachyteachy @ 3:39 pm
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Some folks prefer to check their smoke detectors the bland, spring-ahead-with- batteries way.

I, on the other hand, chose to get a bit more creative, and set the toaster on fire! I sacrificed some nice multi-grain bread to do it, too.

My son happened to stroll into the kitchen, noticed the bonfire behind glass and softly billowing cloud of smoke, and made a beeline past his former firefighter dad, upstairs to me, where he casually informed me that something was on fire in the toaster.

Fortunately, the fire did not get too worked up before dad pulled the slightly melting plug from the wall, declaring that we would be needing a new toaster.  This was long overdue, as this appliance offered all the convenience of sitting around a campfire cookin’ some toast, as one (obviously) needed to monitor that mother far beyond what should be required by an appliance with a timer involved. I don’t remember it ever really cooperating that well.  God knows that I never tried to pull off the six stuffed pepper trick  in there, which seems to be the stock ad photo when the toaster barons want to extol the virtues of their burny machines. Apparently, however, asking it to toast some bread was a request too full of hubris.

When I started looking into all of the old school toaster ovens, I was delighted to find that I paid exactly the same today that a happy homemaker would have paid back in the day for a versatile toaster oven: $29.95.

What I love about the YouTube spot is that the commenters are so earnestly in love with their original ovens.  Since I burned my last one (NOT an original, by a long shot), I will never know that passion for a life-long toaster friend.

One little disclaimer: I should not have called it a “fire,” nor referred to it as “setting my toaster on fire.” In polite Toaster-speak, that’s called “having a flare-up.”, which I thought had to do with herpes. I stand corrected, Black and Decker.

Also, our smoke detectors do not work.  Add to list.

 

My Easily Entertained Brain #1 January 12, 2014

 

 

What’s the coolest thing about having pancakes with real maple syrup?

It is very cool that dwellers of the sugar maple forest (once a destination on the Candy Land board, I think) figured out that they could make that watery sap into something by which they could tie on a sugar buzz in no time flat.

But the thing that makes me the happiest about this culinary experience is THAT EENSY WEENSY HANDLE on the glass bottle!!! How has that little jewel escaped the age of downsizing?  I don’t care how.   I will just continue to salute the perfection and minimal functionality that defines the maple bottle earring/handle for as long as it lasts. At the risk of sounding clichéd, THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT.

IMAGE: http://www.localharvest.org

 

 

Some “Burgers” Should Never Be Made October 3, 2013

 

 

This is one of them. 

My son ran across this page in one of my cookbooks.  I probably cooked these evil morsels and wrote this upwards of ten years ago.  These are the very notes I added on that fateful day.   I resented this recipe for a long, long time.  But perhaps this goes without saying. . . As you can see, I was a passionate cook, even then.  

The title, “Hell’s Kitchen” was, it seems clear to me, created due to the existence of this recipe. If, for any reason, you find yourself tempted to Google this recipe and try it, know that this temptation is arising from the bowels of the underworld, and that nothing pure and holy can result.  

DON’T DO IT!

Consider yourself forewarned.

 

 

Open House Blues…Harmonica September 30, 2013

Filed under: education,fitness,food,humor,life,teaching — peachyteachy @ 9:01 pm
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Tomorrow, the folks at my  workplace will be burning down  opening the house.  This means a twelve hour workday. I still don’t know what I’m going to wear.  I know that there will be a good turnout, because the rumor has been spread about the free hot dogs. I will see members of extended families for the first and only time this school year (barring a free spaghetti dinner).  I won’t be eating the hot dogs, but if you saw what I had the energy to feed my family tonight, you would stop picturing that lovely Caprese platter . That happened during my turn as a balanced human during the summertime.

Here’s how it works on the last day of September: Peachy nearly nods off in the car on the way home, then decides that working out would be a spectacular idea!  I did it, but there were many points during that annoying DVD when I was moments away from either kicking in the non-flat screen or shifting to a lying down meditation.

Once I completed that little foray into masochism, the thought of cooking anything brought me to the verge of tears.  The notion of even opening a CAN was almost more than I could stand.  And I spent $100 at the grocery store yesterday.  A lot of yogurt, fresh meat, and paper products, apparently, because there was NOTHING in the house that would prepare itself.  Never mind that I cooked a full-on turkey dinner and apple crisp yesterday.  I shudder to think of the shape I shall be in by tomorrow evening.  Something must be done to liven things up.

In the interest of this pursuit of vivification, my colleagues and I have decided that we prefer to share our curriculum presentation in mime, with harmonica accompaniment.  I am surrounded, via a strange convergence of musical passions, by a number of virtuoso harmonicasters.

We haven’t run this by the administration yet, but, really, who could have a problem with that? What do you want, a Powerpoint?

 

Clearly, I Have Been Wearing my Aprons All Wrong August 14, 2013

I am a fan of vintage ads, and of antiquated, chauvinistic sacred writing of yesteryear.  Isn’t everyone?

 

Therefore, I highly recommend that you check out the vintage illustration-packed article, “Ridiculously Bad Advice From the Nineteen Fifties,” from Glo, an online publication that is kind of stylish, and which has notified the free world that big hair is, once again, in.  Great news!

For the record, I do not wear aprons.

 

Peachy and the Purple Pedicure July 27, 2013

Meet Peachy’s Purple Pedicure.

This is about as close to a “selfie” as you are ever going to see here.  Besides, I read a snotty piece of advice on some snotty piece of social media that no one wants to see your location by seeing your toes in the foreground.  Rebel that I am, I take that as a challenge.  I may even take a beach one, just to be beachy about it. It is ever-so-slightly artistic, seeing as how the pedicure is such an ephemeral event.

 

Here, Peachy’s Purple Pedicure plans dinner.  Don’t worry, no food was foot-touched.

Finally, Purple Pedicure pumps iron.

It’s no garden gnome, but it’s not a fish face in the bathroom mirror, either.

 

Non-Organic, Non-Vegetarian, Non-Greek, Sort of Yogurt: My Favorite! July 6, 2013

This post is really intended as a celebration of the fact that I have discovered this magical phenomenon:

früt Up

Yeah! Never mind the obvious capitalization issues—I have become somewhat desensitized to that sort of thing—I can now legitimately enter the international world of special characters!!!  It’s a special, special, extra-peachy day.

But enough of my word processing celebration.  There will be plenty of time for that mañana.  I am actually here with the express mission of spreading the gospel of the früt Up yogurt, my new favorite snack/treat/indulgence!  Here’s why you should join me in the früt Up revolution.

1) It tastes super yummy!

2) The top part is fruity moussiness!

3) The bottom part is super smooth white yogurt!

4) You can mix it up or not.  Although I am a proponent of not mixing.  We can duke that out in the comments, if you want to argue about it.

5) Müller has joined forces with Quaker in an inspiring food partnership. You can read all about it here.  So trustworthy!

6) It contains some trace amount of a tilapia-based gelatin, which will eliminate the annoying competition for früt Up supplies with pesky vegans (and when I say “pesky,” my dear vegan readers, I mean that in the most affectionate way).  Everyone else, just simmer down. It will be okay.

7) It has 150 calories per serving, and no artificial sweeteners, which will eliminate the competition for supplies with the light/lite/sugar free/under 100 calorie crowd.   Ü can take a chill pill, too. I love you.  I just don’t want you taking the last lemon one.  Surely you can see that this is all for the best.

8) There are flavors.  The flavors include Peach Passion Fruit (ironically, not my favorite), Luscious Lemon (myeffing favorite), Blueberry Bliss (not available in my area YET), Splendid Strawberry, Radiant Raspberry, and Very Cherry (also not available here). Yes, they have taken the time to make them cute.

9) It’s not Greek, although they have a Greek product also, and I have nothing against a tasty Greek yogurt, as long as you are not trying to pretend that it’s mayo.

Peach Passion Fruit

I am going to complete this post so that you can run into the store and find some now.

P.S. I have not been compensated for this free advertisement.  I am not opposed to accepting compensation, including but not limited to: money, free yogurt.

I would also consider accepting an all-expenses paid trip to Curaçao.

The place, not the liqueur.

 

Turkey Abuse OR Turkey: Food for Thought June 11, 2013

Filed under: food,humor,life,politics,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 4:59 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I am sorry to report that my standing as a slightly leftward, politically aware activist has eroded. Badly.

“Stand up against abuses in Turkey,” reads the subject line of the email.

Now come on and tell me that your mind didn’t, for the tiniest split-second, picture a factory turkey farm, with a contingent of placard-bearing protesters outside the gate.  At the very least, you thought about the turkey sandwich awaiting the lunching hour. Or, more likely, you thought that the gentleman pictured above was asking his thronging flock (not a euphemism), “Who’s your daddy?”

It follows, then, I would argue, that I might become concerned about what horrifying plucking evils have been occurring at Turkey Town Farms.  I might even have clicked on over to the petition-signing link of this email.  That is when I realized that there were humans being abused by other humans of Turkish persuasion.  My bad. Guilt-signed the petition, which I guess means that I should not travel to Turkey anytime soon—at least not before the current regime is, a) toppled, or, b) inspired to mend its unsavory ways.

The moral of the story? Violation of human and animal rights impacts us all.  Read your junk mail carefully.  Maybe, just maybe, we can make a difference. One Turkey at a time.

image: http://www.mlive.com

 

 
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