For realsies

Northeastern Easter Fashion Report April 22, 2014

Filed under: fashion,girl stuff,holiday,humor,Style,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 2:13 pm
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No, that’s not Kanye’s next baby name.

Easter fashion has always been an entity unto itself.

I recall a certain purple gingham maxi dress I wore one Easter when I was eight or so. Then there are those I-dare-you- to-wear-me deranged Easter bonnets. I hold that the purpose of these is to provide ample nesting materials for local bird life.

This year, I was struck by nothing so much as the pastel floral number worn by a lovely young lady whose parents I hope were far, far away.  Because this is the stuff of cardiac events.

Daughter in question chose to celebrate the resurrection of her personal lord and savior (or possibly the end of Passover? Larry Flynt’s birthday?) by sporting the always appropriate vagina-length stretch dress.

At what point, I mused while trying to come up with a sentence I could say out loud that did not contain the  term “vagina-length dress,” did she become comfortable wearing said hemline? Probably best that I never learn.  Though I am toying with a scenario where the girl is a rebelling Amish-ette, taking things just a bit too far…or not far enough.

I do feel that my experience could give rise to one of those helpful questions one might ask oneself while shopping, dressing, or contemplating cutting off part of a dress: “Will anyone look at me and think ‘vagina-length?'”

And, while you’re at it, say a prayer for my computer. It doesn’t know what the hell to wear.




Permission Requested to Sit Out New Year’s Rockin’ Eve December 31, 2013

Filed under: holiday,humor — peachyteachy @ 3:34 pm
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I am looking for at least five souls who are willing to grant me some sort of dispensation by which I may happily skip New Year’s Eve “festivities.”

This is not, truth be told, a departure from my usual celebration: keeping my eyes open until it’s midnight is crazy revelry for this gal.  I’ve just never gone out for New Year’s.  And I am pretty sure that I mean NEVER.  I have been to gatherings at other people’s homes and all, but even that is quite out there.  Fancy pantsing it up? The years have come and gone, with nary a square inch of gold lamé adorning my frame.  And, yeah, there’s a reason that word makes you want to pronounce it “lame.”

I am not even going to buy bubbly this year! *GASP* I have come to terms with the fact that champagne makes my tummy hurt.  I will have a nice glass of wine, and I am planning on making some non-traditional soup and maybe some popovers for dinner.  Perhaps we will break out one of the yet-unopened Christmas games.

Remember Dick Clark and  New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, year after year after year? Me too.  That’s pretty much my perception of New Year’s Eve for me, and that was never really all THAT cool anyway.   The hottest acts were usually one-hit wonders—and super articulate “wooooo”ers, That hasn’t changed much. You KNOW Donna Summer was Miss New Year’s Disco ball back in the day.  That was bad then, and it’s bad now.  It was uncomfortably inspiring, I suppose, to watch Dick in the last few years, valiantly speaking when I imagine he might have appreciated  someone giving him permission to sit the damn thing out.

Only now we have to endure Dick’s mini-me, Ryan Seacrest! Why he hasn’t changed his name to “Dick” by now, one can only guess.  Who do we get to interview this year? Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke are my psychic predictions and I swear that I have not checked! Ringing them out might not be a bad idea though. . .

It’s almost enough to get one to go out to a party.  Almost.  But that would go against my staycation vibe, and ain’t no one messing with that!

It’s okay, really, if you can’t get around to joining my five-squad of permission givers—I know that you are doing your make-up and yanking on your shapewear while I kick back in my winter uniform of slippers, yoga pants, and warm sweater.  If I don’t get five live ones, I will get the nutcrackers on my side.

Also, Happy New Year.




Clamoring masses asked for it—2013 in review

Filed under: birthday party,blogging,holiday,humor — peachyteachy @ 11:37 am

One of my favorite phrases read recently comes from a post by LameAdventures, where she waxes eloquent about her massive following, calling them “the anemic swarm.” I love that so much that I have fully adopted it as my mental mantra when I think of my own little bunch of readers.  The number grows, slowly and regularly, but most posts draw a comfy crowd of ten or so, preserving my commitment to one day gather my readers in a Wendy’s restaurant.  In Hawaii.

The most useful feature of WordPress’ handy-dandy report was that it made me click on my most-viewed post, only to find that my very own photo had been removed.  Sad, as that post, Teacher vs. Wild, was short on words and long on student “work.” So I fixed it.  Just for you.

It’s always great to see that a mediocre post like The Perfect My Little Pony Party, about throwing the perfectly ironic party for my 20-year-old son, still gets lots of views by earnest moms searching through Pinterest to plan impressive galas for their four-year-old daughters.

Thanks, WordPress, for the New Year’s Resolution inspirations, too!

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,500 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 58 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.


Stuff That Feels Like Christmas to Me December 13, 2013

This plastic church. It played “Silent Night.”

These angel chimes.  When I was little, I would watch and listen to the angel chimes while gazing out of the big front window of my grandparents’ house on the bluff.  I could see all the lights down in the harbor from there.  It was magical.

This tree–a white pine, where I found a bird’s nest, the first Christmas after my mother died (I added the birds). I always have to find a white pine, because we always cut one down from the “back forty” when I was growing up.

This year, I have a fat old white pine.  I tried to bring it in, but the water in its bucket had frozen.  And so, I patiently wait.




Even When the Sun is Not Shining, Spinal Tap Delivers July 3, 2013

hydrangea hosta fernMy garden is happy, because there’s been a lot of rain, and I am here every day to take care of it.  Some of my favorite stuff in the gardens are the foliage color and textural compositions.  These mobile images that I emailed to myself do not want to become larger within the post.  Apologies to my far more accomplished photographer/readers–advice graciously accepted. If you could see them better, you could see a lacecap hydrangea, a Japanese painted fern, and a little hosta called Golden Tiara up there.  Below, ferns are growing through a weathered bench.  I love that sort of thing as well. Shoot me, though, if I cross the line to wagon wheels and toilets planted with flowers.  I’m whimsical, but not that damned whimsical.


I freaking love flowers.  I am also a big fan of container gardens, especially ones with different things going on. In the blue pot below, I have these gorgeous Lemon Gem marigolds–they are so much greater than run-of-the-mill marigolds, because their foliage smells lemony, and the flowers are edible.  Amazing.  The big leaves are those sweet potato vines—I dug them out of the pots last fall and saved them over the winter.  It took awhile, but they are taking off now, which makes me absurdly happy.


Happy July Third, flower people.

In a slightly related note, I would like to propose that a new tradition be launched, in the spirit of the annual Thanksgiving playing of Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant.”  July third listening of Spinal Tap’s “Listen to the Flower People” starts today! Share with your friends! Here we go.


Angry Birds Star Wars Jenga: One Game, One Goal December 27, 2012

Is there any game/app/movie franchise that is not a part of this game? No! Is there any skill that isn’t tested by the gameplay involved here? Well, maybe one or two skills remain untested.  Cooking isn’t really tested well by this game, nor are the beloved needle arts, although my son did rename Darth Vader “Darth Tenderloin,” which I found endlessly amusing.  Suffice it to say that we were successful, not only in constructing the Death Star (which one must repeat whenever one has a burning desire to play Angry Birds Star Wars Jenga), but also in destroying the Death Star, which is no small feat when Han Solo is reduced to an irritated fowl with his hair parted in the middle.  If you want to find out more details about the game, I have included an annoying YouTube tutorial for your viewing pleasure above.

Such are the simple pleasures of a teacher’s life in the few days following Christmas.  I also took a ridiculously long nap, and shoveled a foot of snow (and by that I mean several cubic feet of snow).  More vacay fun: removed the rug from son’s room, where he had thrown up in the middle of the night. Yes, the festivities just keep on rolling.

Our ultra-faithful neighbors across the street snow-blowed (snow blew?) the part of the driveway that I didn’t finish, and for that I was truly grateful. Halle freaking lujah grateful: I whipped up a plate of “Thanks -for- helping -us- out- even -though- you -won’t -let- our- kids- play- together- because- mine- is- a -heathen- who- reads- Harry -Potter- and- has- seen- representations- of- Renaissance- art” Christmas treats! It was very healing. Hopefully they didn’t notice that the star cookies were pentagrams. . .Come on, you’ve received those gag cookie cutter gifts too.

Finally, I must confess that the snowstorm arrives on the heels of my discovering that I have no snow pants that fit my son.  We had so little snow last year that, when we did try to sled, we had to throw on a couple of layers of sweat pants and race up to the hill before the 40 degree temperatures transformed our sledding adventure into a little mini Tough Mudder. This winter (today), my inadequacy is far more evident.   I have hand-me-downs in the attic, but the next size up will by when he is pushing puberty.  In addition, my holiday investments have left the snow pants budget rather depleted.  Please email if you would like to forward me your gently used outerwear, size 8-10.


Good Luck Merry December 24, 2012

Filed under: family,holiday,life,parenting — peachyteachy @ 5:26 pm

Pretty peaceful here, right now.  We don’t have Christmas Eve obligations, and so I don’t have to cook like crazy.  I am making a pot of chili for dinner! Rebel on the loose! Seven fishes can be eaten by seven million other folks–I’m not Italian, anyway, and fish has been known to make me hurl.

I enjoyed being out for some last minute items early this morning, and I have been reflecting on how different things are, here and now, from the way they were when I was growing up.  I’m not referring to world events or periodic apocalypses.  More personal than that.

When I was a kid, we had many Christmases when there really wasn’t much of anything to speak of in the way of presents. And if you are expecting me to affirm that it didn’t matter; that we were together and we had each other and that was enough, well, I am going to disappoint you.  Did I love the cookie baking and the tree and the carols? Yes, I truly did.  I carry on these traditions joyfully today. But the fact is that I was not a virtuous enough child not to notice that, when I called my friend early in the afternoon on Christmas day, there were some major gaps between her description of what she had received, and mine.  For example, one particularly lean year, I received an Avon rose-scented cologne in a glass container that looked like a plaid dress.  And that’s it. I said ‘Thank you,” and of course I was oblivious to how difficult that must have been for my parents.  I resented the fact that my mother believed for a second that it would be a good idea to spend what she had to spend on something so completely removed from anything that I would have liked or chosen.  I kind of thought that she actually liked it.  I was thrilled when it smashed to bits some months later, although it smelled God-awful in my bedroom for awhile.

I have, not surprisingly, made it a point to work hard to make Christmas abundant for my kids.  It is pretty small scale compared with what lots of folks do, but even if I have to wrap little things in big packages, it all feels special and we have a lovely time together with lots of laughs.  My younger son is aware of the fact that things are pretty tight these days.  He said, “Mommy, I wouldn’t want you to get me a Wii U–I wouldn’t want you to spend that money on me.”

For two years after my mom passed, we found a bird nest in our Christmas tree.  It is said to bring good luck. I feel that it connects me with my mom, and those nests are part of decorating the tree each year.  I do feel lucky.  She did the best she could.

Me too.


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