peachyteachy

For realsies

Anti-Vaxxers, Visit My Classroom June 11, 2014

little house

Really, come on down.  It’s Little House on the Prairie up in here. Without the polite kids.

It is important that you understand that there are environments over which you have no control. NONE! The lowlands of Afghanistan, for instance, and my classroom rug. Both are said to reek of a county fair livestock barn.  And don’t get me started on the chicken factor.  Things have definitely hatched here. They incubated behind the microwave that doesn’t exist in my closet.  Soon there will be a zombie chicken invasion. With the attendant lice on board.

Stuff is mutating at an alarming rate.  The reality is that, if you are going to allow your kid to be within a three mile radius of a classroom carpet, you are going to want some vaccination happening.  You really just can’t  plan on controlling this shit.  You might also want to heed the teacher’s request to donate hand sanitizer to the class.  Your kid looks way dirtier when there are twenty-three peers drooling nearby.

The spilled milk factor alone calls for a haz-mat team.  But this is an urban school, so haz-mat consists of a milling group of 8-year-olds, trying to sop up moisture with the least absorbent paper towels known to man: The Brown Paper Towel.  Why do you think that a roll of these is 2.7 miles long? Because they soak up virtually nothing.  Not cow’s milk, not goat’s milk, sure as hell not any cereal stirred up with a spork and combined with the milk or any goat, cow, or ox that you have  your hands on.  I would wager that clinical studies have been conducted (possibly at my own workplace) to determine the Brown Paper Towel’s effectiveness upon the spilled margarita.  You could compose invites for a hipster dinner party on this paper, knot it up with some twine, and head on down to the brewery for some crafty goodness. Stop by the clinic, would  you, and make sure your boosters are up to date?

Or, you could just take your chances, and become a disturbing and disturbed carrier like me! We can donate our bodies to science! It will be cool!

 

Photo:

 

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Laws of Science Shattered by Peachyteachy! December 11, 2013

 

Oh, the splendor of blogging.  I’m sure you agree.

But did you realize that blogging defies the laws of time and space? WHAAAAAT? Get Neil deGrassi Tyson on the line!

All true.

Because, guess what? I have exactly one viewer today.  And that viewer is from Canada (I love me some Canada)! But, here’s the coolness: that viewer, according to my scientific stats on Scientific Stat Central WordPress Keeping Track 0’Stuff 3000, is also from SWITZERLAND!!!!!

Dual citizenship is the best I can make of it, without getting into visions of blog readers being torn asunder limb from limb in order to inhabit Canada and Switzerland simultaneously. All in all, though, it strikes me as a message of unity and a reminder of Swiss Cheese, Swiss Miss, the Swiss Alps, poutine, and conflicted French language issues, all rolled into a seasonal basket from Swiss Canada Colony.

In a largely unrelated note, could someone please inform the overly friendly folks over at cox.net that I am not a dude? My junk mail folder runneth over with very sub-Neil deGrassi Tyson subject lines.

Arguably, this strange and miniscule demographic phenomenon has something to do with my continued proud standing:

image: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=94-wdVqHX49D8M&tbnid=IMzzfiaQyDA8EM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.businessinsider.com%2Fneil-degrasse-tyson-star-trek-2013-5&ei=yOuoUq-9CI3rkQfY74CIAQ&bvm=bv.57799294,d.eW0&psig=AFQjCNEMV2MsQjegrnphTs7UrB7vPGP-NA&ust=1386888504089590

 

 
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