For realsies

My Little Pony: Life Lessons April 21, 2013

“I think you’ve taken your assertiveness training too far, Fluttershy! You can’t go around being mean to everypony!” The formerly too-nice Fluttershy had begun to terrorize somepony  in Equestria on a daily basis. Friendship is magic, after all, and so it was intervention time.

There’s a reason that My Little Pony is such a cult classic, like Plato and Aristotle.

Before now, I hadn’t considered the fact that this could be a factor for those meanies that come across my path in many forms:  they’ve just taken their assertiveness training too far! Clearly, assertiveness training is a free course, accompanied by free snacks, held in some church basement, or, possibly, basketball court in the neighborhood of our fun-loving elementary school.

In a fascinating turn, it would appear that another stratum of my little slice of human interactors has ALSO gone a little hog wild with the assertiveness training!  While the youngsters practice their pec-to-pec assertiveness bump (derived from years of study in the wild of the assertive mountain goat), the folks at the top of the food chain are correcting the errors in their too-nice ways, sporting their newfound skills of belittling and blaming those over whom they reign.  Nopony’s staging an intervention for these folks, though, which can be problematic if you’re an underling in the organization.  Note that the underlings have not been offered assertiveness training as quality professional development.  That would defeat the purpose of underlings.

Can’t we just all be Bronies and get along?


“My Little Pony” is a registered trademark of Hasbro, Inc., the same company that brings you G.I. Joe Retaliation Snake Eyes Ninja Chucks.


Yeah, “OnlyTuesday” is a Thing January 16, 2013

Filed under: dogs,education,humor,inspiration,school,shopping,teaching — peachyteachy @ 7:40 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Oh, what? You’re one of those sunny individuals who, on Tuesdays (or “Tooz-deez” if you are old school and midwestern), says something like, “Hey, it’s almost Hump Day!” Every day is Hump Day if you’re my dog.  TODAY is, allegedly, Hump Day. The downhill “Wheeee!” has not kicked in.  The looming deadlines have.

One sunny side of this hallowed Hump Day is that, this year, we only have to draft a school supply order for seventy-six cents to outfit our classrooms for the following year.  If you are a special ed person, I’m sorry—you get thirty-one cents to spend.  Paper clip frenzy! In addition, you must complete your order form online in a format that is impossible to save. . .while a webcam records your every click, I am pretty sure. Yes, Ms. Crabapple (we’re all named after tree fruits), you have been–er—humped!

I commend you and tip my non-existent hat to you as well, my optimistic reader.  I’m guessing that your Toozdee (or Hump Day)  did not include witnessing a ten-year-old cussing out a sweet lady who is pushing seventy.  At the end of such a day, one occasionally reflects upon the soul-crushing reality that it is, indeed, OnlyTuesday.  Or, in today’s case, Lumpin’ Hump Day.

Hey! Here’s a happy Hump Day tale to tell!  One of my overflowing handful of students who view schoolwork as strictly optional, asked me if the word “wheat” is pronounced, “Hweet.”  To which I responded that, yes, technically, it is pronounced “Hweet.”  I was thinking of the early Woody Allen film, “Love and Death,” in which there is a very artsy wheat-themed soliloquy-ish thing (my favorite moment is Woody’s heartfelt, “CREAM of wheat!”). My student, on the other hand, was inspired to spend the next twenty solid minutes saying “Hweet” over and over again, to my delight.  It was a high point in my career as a life-changing, inspirational educator.

” What do you remember about fifth grade, Skippy?’

“I remember one day I said  ‘Hweet’ three thousand times.”

And then I started to think about regionalisms and then I watched this video about state stereotypes and then I decided to write the end of my post in the style of my students, but without misspelling stuff because I love you all too much to take it out on you…



Shopping for an Experience December 23, 2012

Filed under: humor,shopping — peachyteachy @ 1:54 pm

Yeah, I’m still shopping.

One of these years, I want to be able to spring a vacation trip on the fam, but that’s not in the cards for this Christmas.  Still, there are so many lovely gifts that can provide such extraordinary experiences to their recipients.

  1. A favorite gift of mine is one that comes around commercial land pretty regularly, in the form of a pair of sunglasses—a pair so special, reminds the info-mercial ambassador, that, when you gaze through them, you will see things as you have never seen them before!  “It’s ALMOST like 3-D!” he assures you.  Well, there’s a selling point.  Last I looked, my life tends to occur in three dimensions all on its own.
  2. As a parent who should hold stock in the Lego company, I keep my finger on the pulse of all things Lego.  Imagine my surprise when I caught a glimpse of an internet ad hawking “life-size legos.” WTF? As far as I am concerned, “life-size” for a Lego is generally right around the 1 to 3-inch ballpark. Does this place actually have something that is in some way more lifelike than the 32,000 Lego pieces with which I interact on a daily basis? Presumably, “life-size” is universally accepted to mean “human-size,” and especially white, male, human-size, as evidenced by the human-sized human in the photo above.  What is that dude compensating for?
  3. On an agricultural note, I have yet to come up with anyone in my circle (for whom I feel obligated to buy a gift) who would appreciate receiving the news that someone else was receiving a living gift on their behalf, whether they like it or not.  You know, the heifer and goat-supplying outfits that empower someone in the third world with the gift of livestock-raising.  Do you get monthly updates on your little cloven-hoofed gift, complete with photos of special milestones, such as the first little tin cup filled with milk, or its first pungent cheese? I might personally enjoy this, especially if, one day, they air-lifted one of MY heifer’s baby heifers–right to my classroom! It could be our class pet! There is no way that it would be any messier than the children, and they could experience life lessons by working for their little carton of milk! We could leave it over on the heat vent and discover the miracles of cheese-making, minus the plastic wrapper!

Sadly, the presents under our tree will not begin to approach the grandeur of these — not even a 2-dimensional pair of sunglasses to rescue us from a pedestrian holiday.  Still, I’m hopeful.  There ARE life-size Legos in the works.




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