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Two Blogging Years February 5, 2014

Filed under: advertising,blogging,humor,television,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 7:23 pm
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I probably should have something more reflective to share. After all, I have stuck with the blogging thing for two years, posted more than 200 posts, and connected with a few folks who have enhanced my world.

Still, the burning issue that keeps nagging at me is the fact that I hate the yellow pants in this insurance ad.

Who made this decision? It works within the “cautionary tale” genre, I suppose, which fits with insurance.

Thanks to my lovely readers who patiently humor me in my yellow pants moments. And I promise you that you will never have to see me in those (or any) yellow pants.  There are advantages to anonymity.

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Buzzed (not drunk) With Power-Dangers of Blog Awards November 23, 2013

Filed under: blogging,humor,music,television — peachyteachy @ 2:50 pm
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Good things awaited me this morning when I woke.

1) It was not 5:30 or earlier.  7:30 is a super Saturday luxury!

2) I received a lovely and complimentary comment from Genevieve at Coloring Outside the Lines . She has nominated me for the dangerously named Most Influential Blogger Award.  Thanks for the love, Genevieve!  I can call myself an MIB. 

  most-influential-blogger

As you can imagine, I was pretty pumped, and since it’s been awhile since I did one of the beloved blog-chainers that allow us to give props to a set number of other bloggers I cheerfully accept and comply with the guidelines.   The rules are stringent and demanding.  Failure to meet the requirements results in mandatory jail time.  Except in Canada.

That is completely untrue, and I apologize to anyone I nominate who feels pressured, bothered, or pissed off by the suggestion that the best thing you can come up with today is a handful of responses to arbitrary questions, and a list of links to other people’s worlds. Here’s how to be the MOST Most Influential Blogger:

1. Display the Award on your Blog.
2. Announce your win with a post and thank the Blogger who awarded you.
3. Present 10 deserving Bloggers with the Award. 
4. Link your awardees in the post and let them know of their being awarded with a comment.
5. Answer each of the 10 questions that your awarder asked, and then write 10 for your awardees (or use the same ones up to you)

1) What is your favorite season?

I like cinnamon. 

That’s as close as I can get.  I am passionately in love with spring, summer, and fall—and I try passionately to not complain about winter. Until March. So, my favorite season is not March.

2)  Who is your favorite singer?

Shut up. Who has a favorite singer? I have about sixty-seven of them.  I dig Regina Spektor, Van Morrison, Jane Siberry (pre-Issa), Dylan, Kate Nash, Dave Matthews, 

3)  What is your favorite kind of music?

Nothing that can be played quietly as background music—I like to LISTEN to it and I like to HEAR the amazingness of what people do to make a song great.  Pick a favorite genre? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Fine. Progressive tuba.  

4)  Who is your favorite author?

I read a lot of David Sedaris, Anne Lamott, and I am pretty into Louise Erdrich. 

5)  If you had enough money, what charity would you donate to?

Give it to the Dalai Lama and let him decide what’s best. 

6)  If you had enough money, what room in your home would you renovate?

First choice:  turn the attic into a master bedroom. Second choice: Build an office/media room out of mason jars.  

7)  What is your favorite television show?

Arrested Development. 

8)  Which of these is your most favorite drink: Pepsi – Coke – Ice Tea – Water?

Coke.  I drink more water than Coke, but it seems way too raw foodie to say that water is my “most favorite.”

9)  Do you own a desktop PC or laptop…or both?

Laptop. Unless you count the dead ones. 

10)  What would you rather do for relaxation, read a book or watch television?

Yeah, I’m a teacher, but I really like a lot of things on TV. 

Now for MY questions! 

1) What is your favorite seasoning? 

2) Who are your favorite and least favorite child actors?

3) If you had a time machine and could go back in time to make sure that one song was never recorded, what song would it be?

4) What is the best thing about blogging, for you?

5) Food processor or sledge hammer? Why?

6) What is the lamest health and beauty product you have ever purchased? Is it still in your bathroom/makeup bag/hall closet?

7) Where do you stand on the unicorn question? Alternate assignment: make up a unicorn question.

8) How long has it been since you bought a box of 64 Crayola crayons? Alternate assignment: make up another unicorn question.

9) What color was the last can of paint you purchased? Have you painted anything with that paint?

10) Who is your favorite couple/love story? Real, fictional, alive, dead.  

Now, for the lucky recipients who get to answer the questions (if they choose not to become fugitives of the law)! The rules say “deserving,” but if this is a nightmare for any of you, I really didn’t mean to imply. . . I would actually love to hear responses to those questions from some of my fave bloggers–but I have bugged them before with this sort of thing, so I am trying to spread the obligation feeling around. Answer the questions with no strings attached! Do it!

But not you guys:

http://coachdaddyblog.wordpress.com/ It’s funny, and dadulous, and sporty.

http://tattooteacher.wordpress.com/ Teacher friendly.

http://lameadventures.com/ This chick owns a spinning bike! So, yes, it’s a fitness blog. Except it’s not.

http://pemberley.us/katie/ Always in the virtual bleachers to cheer me on!

http://nudgewinkreport.wordpress.com/2013/11/23/all-the-good-ones-are-taken/ Just some funny writing here.

http://theverybesttop10.com/ Because every day needs a top ten of something.

http://mrstonnessen.wordpress.com/ Another teacher who remembers Schoolhouse Rock.

 

My Little Pony: Life Lessons April 21, 2013

“I think you’ve taken your assertiveness training too far, Fluttershy! You can’t go around being mean to everypony!” The formerly too-nice Fluttershy had begun to terrorize somepony  in Equestria on a daily basis. Friendship is magic, after all, and so it was intervention time.

There’s a reason that My Little Pony is such a cult classic, like Plato and Aristotle.

Before now, I hadn’t considered the fact that this could be a factor for those meanies that come across my path in many forms:  they’ve just taken their assertiveness training too far! Clearly, assertiveness training is a free course, accompanied by free snacks, held in some church basement, or, possibly, basketball court in the neighborhood of our fun-loving elementary school.

In a fascinating turn, it would appear that another stratum of my little slice of human interactors has ALSO gone a little hog wild with the assertiveness training!  While the youngsters practice their pec-to-pec assertiveness bump (derived from years of study in the wild of the assertive mountain goat), the folks at the top of the food chain are correcting the errors in their too-nice ways, sporting their newfound skills of belittling and blaming those over whom they reign.  Nopony’s staging an intervention for these folks, though, which can be problematic if you’re an underling in the organization.  Note that the underlings have not been offered assertiveness training as quality professional development.  That would defeat the purpose of underlings.

Can’t we just all be Bronies and get along?

image: http://abadcookie.deviantart.com/art/Fluttershy-s-Rage-288099157

“My Little Pony” is a registered trademark of Hasbro, Inc., the same company that brings you G.I. Joe Retaliation Snake Eyes Ninja Chucks.

 

Emergency? Really? January 20, 2013

EMERGENCY! #1: 

Do you recognize these two gentlemen?  They are Kevin Tighe and Randolph Mantooth–Kevin Tighe probably looks familiar; he went on to a successful movie career, appearing in a few John Sayles films, among others.   But first, he was a life-saving paramedic on the super-awesome “Emergency!” Roy and Johnny weren’t too cool to rescue a cat up a tree now and again.  This represents the television of my youth.  It pre-dates the inferior “CHiPS,” which tried to make up for the lower-case in its title with Erik Estrada’s neon teeth.

EMERGENCY? #2:

Earlier today, I washed my hands in a well-kept, flatteringly lit, public restroom.  Things were going well, thanks to the absence of glaring fluorescent lighting that could make a 22-year-old look like she needs to have some work done, not to mention someone from  the 23-plus crowd in which I have dwelled for some time.  When I proceeded to the hand-drying stage, I noticed that I had the choice of paper towel dispenser OR the air-blower option.  First, I tried to wave my hand at the paper towel dispenser, which resulted in no perceptible change in the presence of paper towels. The toilet had been on a sensor; don’t judge! That is not the emergency; that the towel thing was a manual model.  I adapted, and elbowed the hot air blower thing on.  This is not the emergency, either, but the hot air was pretty flaccid, as hot air blower speeds go, resembling nothing more than someone mouth-breathing one-fourth of an inch away from your hand.  I had been expecting the blast that will distort your features if you stick your face under there.  At this point, I turned to the paper towel dispenser to help with my personal goal of drying my hands in less than twenty minutes.  It was apparent that there was not an accessible towel, but, much to my relief, there was an EMERGENCY FEED on the side of the machine!  What a relief! It was a brighter, sweeter world when I walked out of that bathroom; I can tell you that, mister. I had walked through the emergency and had emerged unscathed and more fully alive (Please note the deft manipulation of the word “emerge” here.).

EMERGENCY? #3:

On the off chance that you take issue with my cavalier attitude toward the whole emergency concept, may I present for your consideration some alleged emergencies that I encounter on a nearly daily basis.

“You stole my pencil and I’m going to punch you in the face! What? It’s on the floor? Oh. Don’t touch my stuff!” Dubious, as emergencies go.

“I have to go to the nurse! We were throwing water on each other when we went to the bathroom without permission and water got in my ear! This ear–water–it hurts! This ear–no water–it doesn’t hurt!” Near-emergency then occurred when I choked on my water in my attempt not to laugh in student’s face.

“Can I PLEEEEEASE go to the nurse? The bottom of my pantleg got wet and I need a new pair of pants. My mom told me if my pantleg is ever wet I should go to the nurse so I won’t get sick.”  Let’s do an evaporation experiment instead!

You can see why my definition of “Emergency” has become as broad as the proverbial side of a barn.

You want to talk about legit Emergencies with a capital E?

ACTUAL FREAKING EMERGENCY:

It is an incontrovertible emergency when a woman is being interviewed on television, discussing the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, and she utters the following words: “It is important for us to talk about the heroes, and the sheroes, of our history.” WHAT? Where was the emergency editing intervention here? Do we need to enact legislation in order to assure that this completely preventable incident doesn’t repeat itself? Because I am pretty sure that Emergency rooms across the local viewing area were flooded with folks who involuntarily attempted to gouge out their own eyes and ears in the face of the horror of it all.

ANOTHER ACTUAL FREAKING EMERGENCY:

I am making chili for dinner.  There is not one onion to be found in the house! WTF?! Fortunately, my guy is a former first responder, and recognized the situation for what it was, pronto.  At this point in our relationship, he knows that I am expecting him to not only hightail it to the nearest onion purveyor, but to slap the flashing light on the roof before he throws the car into gear.

Fortunately, some of us know how to respond to an emergency.

image: tvseriesfinale.com

 

What Makes Teachers Laugh November 30, 2012

Filed under: humor,school,teaching,television,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 8:31 pm
Tags: , ,

It may not be for everyone, but it sure lightened things up for us today.

 

Finger on the Pulse of Pop Culture-Three Boys October 29, 2012

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching,television — peachyteachy @ 8:09 pm
Tags: , ,

One of the deeply awesome things about teaching fifth graders is that they all watch the same things that my younger son watches.  As long as you don’t count the graphic horror films that they apparently watch as a matter of course, and which my son states that, if elected, he would abolish.  I’m with him.  I am a wuss who finds real life horrifying enough without watching stuff intended to raise your stress level.  Honey, my stress level is high enough without biting my knuckles while awaiting a fount of blood to erupt from a stupid girl’s sternum. My son also does not view the items that enable our students to compose extended essays regarding oral sex, whilst they remain incapable of writing a paragraph that includes details from a text that they have read. Go figure!

Aside from those notable exceptions, I am on top of much of their media-inspired drivel.  “Regular Show?” I watch it. “Yaaay-uhh!” Shut it. I only wish that they were sharp enough to appreciate the nuances of “Adventure Time” and “Gravity Falls.”  See, kid’s TV right now actually has some pretty awesome, funny, and creative stuff.  So don’t try to quote crap from kiddie pop culture to me.

Here’s the dilemma: I can track certain trends to pop culture.  But where do they develop the tendency to write the following: “I saw 3 boys and the three boys the three boys?”  I grew up on “My Three Sons.” There were triplets and shit happening there. Is this some obscure 3-ism of which I am unaware? I heard from some wise, unidentified sage, that  humor was often delineated in the arena of 3. Obviously, I have yet to master this elevated skill, although my student has some inkling.  Clearly, I must continue to study the ways.

But what would Fred MacMurray’s response have been if little Ernie had brought home some garbage like that? I think that there would have been an emotional heart-to-heart in which Ernie would have been gently acquainted with the prospects of a life of flipping burgers, where he could repeat things in threes to his heart’s content.  And then, Chip would have piped in about his childhood friend, Skip, who had not only found himself sauteing the patties of the beuf, but later found himself dismissed from said job due to his limited mathematical capabilities, after which he had wound up bunking in the Stevens’ garage.  Shame, all around.  The good old days.

Meanwhile, the child who wrote about three boys three times in three seconds—she will have to take a test in which she is asked to describe how a character changes throughout a story based on the challenges the character faces, and providing text evidence to support her answer.

Or, three boys.

 

 

Credit Cards: Prophylaxis against Boringness October 5, 2012

source: itt-typography.blogspot.com

Wait.  What is up with the TV commercial where the guy has the chick break up with him (telling him he’s boring); then he gets the credit card that enables him to become un-boring—which means he goes to a gallery with a picture of Marilyn Monroe, has Giada DeLaurentiis feed him a bite of food, and goes to an Alicia Keys concert where he has his picture taken with what one must assume is a cardboard cutout of Ms. K?

What a playah!  When relating to actual humans doesn’t work out, chasing celebrities may indeed provide a less risky path. Although a guy might  manage to draw an order of protection or two, if the trend holds.

Arguably, credit cards do change lives.

This may be why I am so fond of old-school advertising.

See? They’re not boring.

Still, lest we forget. . .

 

 
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