For realsies

Newly Taboo Small Appliances/Violent Origami May 1, 2013

Filed under: crafts,humor,life,school — peachyteachy @ 8:30 pm
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I just realized that I am probably going to have to refrain from referring to my classroom as a “pressure cooker” this spring, due to recently constructed taboos, and it’s thrown me into a bit of an existential crisis.

I am also worried about the poor pressure cooker industry.  I picture the pressure cooker divisions of Presto, and those other heavy hitters in this tenuous market, as handfuls of older gentleman whose moms grew up in the Great Depression and who grew up with the mild manifesto directive that one pressure-cooked the hell out of all of the vegetables.  This was not nice, to be sure, but it wasn’t terrorism, and I am sad for the terribly tarnished reputation that is now hanging over all of our heads, especially that of Joe Presto.

But how to characterize the explosive young someones who would scream at a blade of grass to shut up because it stole and hid the kid’s green pencil?  Who whip paper ninja stars across the room? A paper ninja star has some heft, people, and some points. Notice the warning at the bottom of the instructions above. Just goes to show, once again, how these here internets can be used for good or for evil.

Still, I come up short on descriptors that reflect the blitzkrieg that rains down in the classroom on any given day, in zero-to-sixty response to the most trivial complaint.

Suggestions are welcomed.

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Bad Moon Rising February 26, 2013

Test Your Knowledge of Urban Education!


  1. Did I lock my classroom door today to keep out a disruptive student? Again?
  2. Did the kid proceed to kick the door for about a half hour, rendering me a super effective teacher? Again? 
  3. Did the rest of the class placidly continue with their work, ignoring the distraction, and increasing their stamina for responding to multi-step fraction word problems?

If you picked 1 or 2, you have not been reading my blog for very long, have you? And you missed the nearly identical situation detailed a couple of weeks ago here .  There is little doubt that this blogging strategy will not earn me tons of readers who have fashion blogs (although you are so super welcome!), but I would like to suggest that you picture me, a smallish woman, body blocking an eleven-year-old while wearing a snappy Loft jacket of tiny railroad cap stripes–I wear it in recognition of the fact that my class is, well, a train wreck.  Sporty!

Down the hall, in my colleague’s classroom, I am pretty sure that they were performing a re-enactment of the flying monkey scene from the Wizard of Oz, with one small exception: the flying monkeys in the movie don’t fight EACH OTHER. At the very least, it is reassuring to know that it’s not just me!

It doesn’t occur to us until later, after the crisis has ended and we are at home recovering: what if this kid is angry enough to bring a knife to school? So many of them have demonstrated their absolute willingness to beat the hell out of each other; it’s the main strategy for dealing with the overwhelming threat of another human LOOKING AT THEM. You know that there are weapons unseen on these kids, probably far more often than we want to think about.  Every day is a WTF day.

Good thing I have an invisible and  invincible force field around me at all times.


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