For realsies

The Hottest Year Ever! January 1, 2013

Filed under: humor — peachyteachy @ 11:00 am
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<b>Carly Rae Is Our New Cover Girl!</b>

Oh, Cosmopolitan, you copyrighted and registered trademark, you.  That’s the resolution you came up with?  Make 2013 the hottest year ever? I think that global warming beat you to it.

Good to know that this res is all covered, because some other interpretations of making 2013 the hottest year ever would likely not fly in the elementary classroom.  “Tomorrow, class, all of us Lay-deez will wear metallic leggings and platform boots! Boys, it would be SUPER HOT if you would bathe and use deodorant! This is going to be the hottest year EVER!!!” I might just get that extended leave I’ve been dreaming of!

What achievers read? That’s what Success magazine claims to be, which is about as inspiring a New Year’s motto as a big bowl of lentils–the good luck component of both, one might argue, is that you will be damned lucky to make it through without having a digestive event.

So, according to Success, if I am divorced, female, and live in the northeast, chances are I resolve to get fit, reduce my debt, further my education and achieve nirvana.  But don’t hold your breath on meeting the new and improved Peachy, since half (or 90%)of all resolvers (resolutionaries?) see no change whatsoever.  Useful info.  Besides, can you imagine how intimidating it would be to have to deal with someone who achieved all of these obnoxiously lofty goals? People would avoid me like the plague.  They would avoid me as if I were the plague.  The way that I avoid magazines like Success.

Spin-a-Resolution is sort of the idea behind this cool thing: the Resolution Generator. I like it, in part, because “Fly to the moon” is one of the choices.  If you are going to make an unachievable resolution (since all those achievers read Success magazine), it might as well involve space travel.

My son has suggested that I make a resolution that will take effect during summer vacation (after our moon shot).  Now, this lad is speaking my language.  His idea is that we should resolve to have ice cream sundaes on Sundays during summer vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, I resolve not to eat one lentil on January 1, 2013.

P.S. Thank you once again, all you Pinterest lovers who made my post “The Perfect My Little Pony Party” the second favorite of the year.


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