peachyteachy

For realsies

Northeastern Easter Fashion Report April 22, 2014

Filed under: fashion,girl stuff,holiday,humor,Style,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 2:13 pm
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No, that’s not Kanye’s next baby name.

Easter fashion has always been an entity unto itself.

I recall a certain purple gingham maxi dress I wore one Easter when I was eight or so. Then there are those I-dare-you- to-wear-me deranged Easter bonnets. I hold that the purpose of these is to provide ample nesting materials for local bird life.

This year, I was struck by nothing so much as the pastel floral number worn by a lovely young lady whose parents I hope were far, far away.  Because this is the stuff of cardiac events.

Daughter in question chose to celebrate the resurrection of her personal lord and savior (or possibly the end of Passover? Larry Flynt’s birthday?) by sporting the always appropriate vagina-length stretch dress.

At what point, I mused while trying to come up with a sentence I could say out loud that did not contain the  term “vagina-length dress,” did she become comfortable wearing said hemline? Probably best that I never learn.  Though I am toying with a scenario where the girl is a rebelling Amish-ette, taking things just a bit too far…or not far enough.

I do feel that my experience could give rise to one of those helpful questions one might ask oneself while shopping, dressing, or contemplating cutting off part of a dress: “Will anyone look at me and think ‘vagina-length?'”

And, while you’re at it, say a prayer for my computer. It doesn’t know what the hell to wear.

 

 

 

Keep a large, ugly coat handy—just in case July 7, 2012

Filed under: fashion,humor,Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 3:57 pm
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     So, there is this enormous coat that lives at my house.  It’s a man’s coat, worn by the man of the house on any day where there is a chance of freezing temperature or some possibility that he may be called away to the Arctic Circle on business.  It’s reversible, which is an iron-clad guarantee that we won’t be seeing it or any of its counterparts on the runway of Fashion Week anytime soon.  Except in Yakutsk.  The coat has resisted stepping aside gracefully in the face of not one, but two purchases of stylish and attractive outerwear.  Its pockets contain what amounts to a small Y2K kit and about seventy thousand minor receipts, presumably for the items in the doomsday prep outfit: gum, lighters, fun size candy bars.   You have figured out that this is not the coat of a fitness nut.

I am using today’s ninety-degree plus temperature as an excuse to A:  Deep six the coat in the attic, and, B:  Stuff some tube socks in the sleeves to “hold its shape.”  The geometrical term for the shape to which I refer is “amorphous coatlyhedron.”  No, I have no idea where your tube socks went.  Maybe they went to look for a nice tube to live in.

I try super hard to live and let live in the wardrobe department, especially since I have recently felt that my own wardrobe is beginning to lean toward the Amish persuasion.  If he had his druthers, though, no item of his clothing would ever go to Goodwill or become a soft and absorbent rag, regardless of holes, paper thinness, or ugliness of coat.  However, sometimes I am weak.  I may have let slip once that he could not wear the “homeless guy coat” out to dinner.  And then, I might have postscripted that one with something to the effect of–“I am not comfortable going on a date with Aqualung.”

image: eariam.blogspot.com

 

 
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