peachyteachy

For realsies

Newly Taboo Small Appliances/Violent Origami May 1, 2013

Filed under: crafts,humor,life,school — peachyteachy @ 8:30 pm
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I just realized that I am probably going to have to refrain from referring to my classroom as a “pressure cooker” this spring, due to recently constructed taboos, and it’s thrown me into a bit of an existential crisis.

I am also worried about the poor pressure cooker industry.  I picture the pressure cooker divisions of Presto, and those other heavy hitters in this tenuous market, as handfuls of older gentleman whose moms grew up in the Great Depression and who grew up with the mild manifesto directive that one pressure-cooked the hell out of all of the vegetables.  This was not nice, to be sure, but it wasn’t terrorism, and I am sad for the terribly tarnished reputation that is now hanging over all of our heads, especially that of Joe Presto.

But how to characterize the explosive young someones who would scream at a blade of grass to shut up because it stole and hid the kid’s green pencil?  Who whip paper ninja stars across the room? A paper ninja star has some heft, people, and some points. Notice the warning at the bottom of the instructions above. Just goes to show, once again, how these here internets can be used for good or for evil.

Still, I come up short on descriptors that reflect the blitzkrieg that rains down in the classroom on any given day, in zero-to-sixty response to the most trivial complaint.

Suggestions are welcomed.

Image source:

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.infohow.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Shuriken.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.infohow.org/arts/origami/&h=754&w=1118&sz=232&tbnid=yQLRZbWcyjJmyM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=134&zoom=1&usg=__OgIYMO0nYBOv0KYWpQR7tSZRG7c=&docid=9_XYPZvsX9jq_M&sa=X&ei=G7CBUbOgJ9i14AOKnYDADw&ved=0CEUQ9QEwAg&dur=7736

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When All the Mulch is Gone May 26, 2012

I was at our friendly neighborhood mega mulch mart a couple of weeks ago, and it appeared as though I had somehow missed some universal homeowner memo requiring the purchase of multiple bags of mulch.  Do Homeowner Associations mandate this sort of thing? Are the color options limited? One can only hope that the red stuff is a violation.

I did start to get a little worried about the prospect of a time when the mulch bags run out, when all that is left is a ripped bag of the maxi bark chunks the size of a bar of Ivory soap.  It is 2012, after all.

I remember a time when only a tiny minority mulched their landscapes (or even referred to their yards as “landscapes”–those were pictures above the couch), and most of them used white pebbles, and strategically planted skinny tufts of grass amidst the stones at random intervals, presumably intended to create a sense of whimsical informality.  It was a God-awful time in landscape history.

No, I am not a Geritol customer, but I have what may be a disproportionate awareness of the past of my parents.  I think it is safe to say that folks who have early memories of the Great Depression and WWII tend to be less vigorous mulchmasters than, for instance, Reagan era Young Republicans.  Granted, it takes a darned spritely octogenarian to spread more than a cut off half-gallon milk jug full of mulch, but it’s more than that. Much, much more. It has been suggested in some academic circles that the rise of the mulch nation and its obsession with putting freshly colored stuff on top of everything may, in fact, have been a tribute to Reagan’s own ever-youthful hair color.  Will this man’s contributions ever cease to amaze? I know.

This all begs the sobering question: what will you do when the mulch runs out? Are you prepared to live without it? Or will you be among the numbers shredding dining room furniture?

image: http://berkeleygardencoach.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/mulch-choices-m.jpg

 

 
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