peachyteachy

For realsies

I Make My Hair! October 17, 2012

Filed under: humor,teaching — peachyteachy @ 8:14 pm
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Bathroom going is one of the pain-in-the-ass aspects of teaching.  There is the well-known fact that teachers must be able to hold it for Herculean periods of time.  But that’s the least of my worries.  Students and the bathroom—that’s hell on wheels.  Do you take the whole class, standing in the hall for a solid fifteen while the entire class cycles through the ordeal, while the rest of them wait calmly and angelically in a perfect line outside the bathroom? Maybe, in the Vatican. In my school, there will likely be blood spilled.  Or at least shins kicked.

As a result, I have bathroom passes and let kids go with a hand signal and the admonition that they have two minutes.  I have a naughty little English Language Learner who blithely pretends that he is not privy to our concepts of time, and regularly disappears for twenty minutes at a time, while scores more wait at their desks, waving their bathroom signals aloft while clutching at their crotches.  It makes for some super-effective teaching, I assure you.  I ask a question, call on a kid, only to realize that he is not volunteering an answer, but is waving a bathroom signal.  In fact, you realize, no one knows anything, and they each have the bladder control of a three-year-old.  Tony Robbins would crumple in the face of this crowd.

Today, Naughty Boy goes AWOL as usual.  Upon his return, I sternly remind him that he was gone for far too long.  He smiles, rubs his head, and says, “I make my hair.” His hair is exactly one millimeter long, and does not require any water application to “make.”

Jaws clenched, I tell him that “You don’t make your hair! That is not okay; you go for two minutes! There’s no making hair!”

Heartwarming and whimsical, you think to yourself.  Whatever. I continue with whatever it was that I was teaching; by now, any momentum is pretty much grinding to a screeching halt and I have to tap dance to get them to focus back on my compelling show.

Naughty Boy raises his hand.  “Can I go to the nurse to get a shirt? Mine is wet.”

Dying a little bit inside, I calmly respond that NO, he can’t go to the nurse to get a shirt! He MADE HIS HAIR and now he has to deal with the consequences! He repeated his request at least three more times, while distracting everyone further by squeezing, wringing and and waving the front of his shirt in the air.

Remind me to pick up a blow dryer to add to my classroom supplies.  Don’t even ask about the soul-crushing properties of pencils.  That saga continues.

 

Mick Jagger, Skating on a Frozen Pond–and Hair Suggestions August 18, 2012

I painted my front steps today.  Mick did not show up to help, even though he has a standing invitation to pitch in and act like a knight for once.  Now I am probably going to have to find a way to take care of the glass of wine that I poured for him, being the mostest hostess that I am.

The image I truly wished to share with you is that of the lovely paint sample chip, eloquently named “Frozen Pond.”  However,  my own computer is not working, and I am borrowing the black sheep of the computer family, the HP, or, as I prefer to call it, The Half-Ass Prince.  So, no actual photo of the paint chip or the completed steps.

I looked for an arresting image of the exact color online, but their Frozen Pond looked very different from the “brooding blue green” that I wished to convey.  What I did discover, though, was a shot of a dude who looked alarmingly similar to our Sir Mick.  And so  you see how we ended up with our random classic rock edition today.  I believe that my last foray into this genre involved Jethro Tull and the classic “Aqualung” in the brooding, blue green post about the critical importance of the large, ugly coat in a post-9/11 world.  Oh, yeah, and my previous post that stole a Who song title.  I may just switch on over to an all-classic rock format one of these days, seeing as how other folks have done all the work already. . .

I could serve up a tasty Stones tune right about now– “Paint it Black,” perhaps, or the later era “She’s So Cold”– but instead, may I suggest that we reflect on one of Mick’s strong points: his hair (that, and rocking the skinny jean before skinny legs were cool).  It turns out that my TwinBloggerSister, javaj240.wordpress.com, is in the market for a new haircut/style/do.  I am going to suggest that we look to some classic rock providers as even greater inspiration than Jack Black.

Let’s consider a non-example: “Under My Thumb,” one of my secret favorites, despite its position in the annals of misogyny.  This, sadly, is not one of Mick’s glory haircuts. Perhaps Brian Jones?

 

 
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