For realsies

Report Card Comment Do’s and Don’ts January 22, 2013

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 9:18 pm
Tags: ,

Another invaluable little tutorial from the  trenches hallowed halls.

DO write this:

Zorkonoman must work on positive behavior choices with peers.  I am supporting him with strategies to quietly bring issues to an adult if he feels threatened.

DON’T write this:

Zorkonoman removed his belt to quietly signal that he was ready to fight during Social Studies.  I generally discourage this, especially when accompanied by a stick figure drawing of him, his aggressor with cartoon balloon of “Let’s fight, Bitch!”, and six adoring onlookers.

DO write this:

Homework completion is an issue for Rapscallawag.  Please support him in this important practice of our classroom learning.

DONT write this:

Rapscallawag registers shock and confusion when asked on a daily basis whether he has his homework.  He does take home at least one classroom pencil daily, possibly to practice reading the words on the barrel. Although, when asked if he had built a bonfire with all of those sticks and papers he never returns, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. . .

DO write this:

Vidalia is sometimes distracted by items in her desk.

DON’T write this:

Vidalia was writing on her teeth today with a permanent marker. . . After rendering an image of a pony, rainbow, and kitty in Miami Ink style on her arm.

DO write this:

Captain Sunshine has the potential to be a successful math student—-

DON’T write this:

—If he doesn’t get his cousin to cut you.

DO write this:

Edward Scissorman determined the capacity of his desk in square units.

DON’T write this:

Scissorman has made 375 paper ninja stars, 62 paper pistols, 9 fortune tellers which are arranged strategically in his desk to mask the 14 cereals, 3 bananas and 5 orange juices that he lifts from the cafeteria weekly and transports to the classroom in his pants pockets.  He does not take off his belt when ready to fight.  He throws ninja stars.

See here and here and here for more professional report card writing tips.




Report Card Comments Redux June 7, 2012

Filed under: education,humor,school — peachyteachy @ 8:24 pm
Tags: , ,

Has it really been an entire marking period since I started this blog? One of my earlier posts centered around actual report card comments as compared to more candid comments that will never be included in the real thing.  See

Have my charges made incredible progress?  I think that you will be  surprised horrified. But you be the judge.

How is our beloved Eustachia doing, you wonder?

Actual comment: 

Eustachia has shown potential for growth when she gives her best effort.  However, in order to be successful next year, she will need to control behaviors that seek peer attention. Good luck in sixth grade!

Unwritten comment:

Eustachia has repeatedly extended cordial invitations to other students to “suck my d—.” Our school counselor has reminded her that, as she does not possess a d—, she may not wish to invite others to it. I may have thrown her gum out of the window at one point. Good luck in sixth grade!

What about Skippy?

Actual comment:

Skippy has improved his reading fluency by twenty-three words per minute.  He should read daily in order to prepare for the next grade level. Good luck in sixth grade!

Unwritten comment:

Skippy has improved his reading from a first grade to a second grade level, and would need to read R. L. Stine‘s complete works this summer in order to approach readiness for his new grade level.  This would require reading more than three sentences at a sitting.  He also might enjoy the ever-popular Capitals–Not Where the Dudes Make Laws!   Additionally, he may wish to avoid addressing boys twice his weight thusly: “Hey, don’t drop the soap!” Good luck in sixth grade, and in whatever institutional setting you may explore in the future!

Actual comment:

Ricardo will need to focus on his organizational skills next year, and will need to be more efficient in starting and completing assignments.  He is an active young man and may benefit from athletic activities outside of school. Good luck in sixth grade!

Unwritten comment:

Ricardo is a hot mess, has lost every paper I have ever given him, and his name has been submitted for an episode of “Hoarders-Buried Alive.”  However, we have all enjoyed the months-long development of his hallway interpretive dance rendering of the classic Cervantes work, “Don Quixote.”  The little girl has recovered nicely from the “windmill arm spin” injury unintentionally inflicted by Ricardo. Good luck in sixth grade!

Excuse me while I get back to writing report cards. . .


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