Midsummer Multiple Personalities August 11, 2013

Here is an example of my midsummer monkey mind.  It is an old public service announcement that single-handedly pushed countless teens into break dancing and drugs.  Amanda, Queen of the Furfiles, this is what I was talking about.  You really should watch it, even if you pitch your tent in the “No one wants to watch a video in a blog” camp.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhHfsOwhINI

On an almost completely unrelated note, I am also in the throes of summer professional development and school supply purchasing so that I will have more than three students who have needed materials–beyond one sparkly folder and a stash of the mechanical pencils that simply have no place in the world until ADHD has been eradicated.

Buying school supplies is a form of reluctant  surrender, and an admission that yes, summer will end.  It’s pretty sucky poo-poo.  A few years ago, one of the big office supply stores was situated next to a liquor store.  I have no idea how it is possible that it was the liquor store that went out of business. It sure as hell was not due to a lack of sales to teachers.  Probably due to the seasonality of all that teacher biz, as the only time we can afford to shop there is when there are penny specials and we send every member of our family in  to get their quota (meager though it is–see my ornery rant about Staples–who have been joined in stinginess this year by Office Max.  No, I can’t just send a supply list home! ).  Let’s not minimize the fact that I am also purchasing supplies for my own biological child, whose teacher feels that it is reasonable to ask for 100 pencils (to be repurchased in January) AND a pack of dry erase markers!  If one of my students came to school with dry erase markers, I would bake that kid a pan of brownies.  Those suckers cost a dollar apiece!!!  What the hell is in there, octopus placenta?

The only person who has any business spending multi-dollars on pens is Peachy herself.  Super-glidey pens with the friction of a curling court.  Or whatever it’s called.   The liquor store should start selling those, because there are times during the workday when sipping margaritas would raise eyebrows, but writing with a smooth, oh-so-fancy pen can stand in as a perfectly acceptable sub-addiction.   We educators really don’t require so much to keep us entertained.

Neither does this dude.  Oh, I love so much about this picture.  The pipe, the happy folks behind the windows, all of it.  Monkey mind.

Image source http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.drcsc.ca%2Fhistory.html&h=0&w=0&sz=1&tbnid=4h17pYPFFukNlM&tbnh=257&tbnw=196&zoom=1&docid=mN64tm9-4yytOM&ei=xOwHUtDLE8-t4AP6qYCwCw&ved=0CAQQsCU

Summer Goals June 13, 2012

I don’t want to mislead anyone here.  This is not a post written as motivational, highly effective, goal-setting efficiency making inspiration. My goals for the summer will most likely resemble the goals that those kinds of guys set for, oh, the next 3 days.

I am afraid that I have misled (pronounced “my-zld” by any self-respecting third grader) some folks who ended up reading my blog under false pretenses.  For example, my post entitled “The Perfect My Little Pony Party” was never intended to be repinned on anyone’s “Party Ideas” board on Pinterest.  But people keep doing this.  Sorry, pinners! Read before you pin!

Also, I am afraid that some earnest report card writers have stumbled into my unknowing report card comment tutorials accidentally as well.  “Report Card Comments Redux”will not provide a new teacher with a hell of a lot of insight, although, in reality, I am an acknowledged wordsmith as a report card comment writer. But that’s no fun, is it?

So let’s talk about Summer Goals!

GOAL #1:Beat back the hands of time, work out, fit into pants.  Time was, I could “be good” with my food intake for a week, and all would be well, pants would get looser, and I could feel adequate.  Last summer, I rode my spin bike, walked, lifted, ate few calories as dictated by some online fitness minion, and lost exactly one pound.  At Christmas time, I made my customary variety of cookies, candy, and high cal goodness, and weighed exactly the same amount.  Hmmmm. The scale is a cruel mistress.

GOAL #2: Teach my kid to swim.  There must be a way.  He was traumatized by swim lessons a couple of years ago and he still won’t go underwater.  Suggestions welcomed.

That is really all I can muster right now.  See what I mean?  Oh, those two, and to construct an assortment of twig-based fairy furniture.  Maybe I will freeze some dog treats in a big chunk of ice for the pooch. In your face, Pinterest!