peachyteachy

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The Groupon Cult October 18, 2014

Filed under: humor,life,writing — peachyteachy @ 3:16 pm
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The other night, I attended a book tour date of a well-known humorist who likes to pick up garbage in England.  The deal had been sweetened by the appearance in my inbox of a ticket discount from Groupon ™!

Upon my arrival at the event, it became clear that the gig was not a sellout—at least, not in the balcony.  Except, as you can see, for those of us who bought the Groupon. Behold, the Groupon Row:

groupon rowNote the expanse of empty rows behind and in front of us.  Cozy. I was alone, too, with elbows tucked close to my ribs.

We are the Groupon Nation. I’ll bet there was a disproportionately large number of people with smashing mani-pedis, too.

 

Vote Peachy for Lame Mom 2014 October 13, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 8:30 pm

My kid has a job and a paycheck, but not much of a wardrobe.  When he has been given cash for clothes, he has continued to avoid shopping for them.

This weekend, I spent one dollar at a thrift store on a pair of LLBean wide wale corduroys for my gainfully employed 23-year-old kid.

I am quite sure that this lands me in one of two categories:

1) Lame

2) Super Lame

 

Box Troll 2.0 On Parade September 25, 2014

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 7:58 pm
Tags: , ,

 

Common Core in action

Do you know what is awesome?

What’s awesome is having some mysterious muscular pain in one’s glute, but having no memory of having done any deep lunges whatsoever.  Although, upon reflection, I do sit in some tiny ass chairs during the day, and it is entirely possible that I arose from one of them over-eagerly. A colleague suggested that I might be able to call in sick with that one.  I’m not sure that the drop-down menu on the website includes “Ass Injury.” On the other hand, it’s worth a shot.

Those of you who have been reading the Peachy Chronicles for some time are familiar with the fact that, regardless of what grade I teach, I manage to attract a contingent of crazies high needs individuals who are entertaining in writing but beyond challenging in actual practice.

Today, for example, I was required to administer an assessment that has no bearing on student learning, grading, or life.  Rather, it stands as a measure of teacher effectiveness that hinges on growth from the fall to the spring on this one little “task.” It is Keystone Cop-ish on so many levels, and it was rendered even more so by my students’ behavior today.  The Keystone Cops were silent movie police sensations (I have been met with blank stares when making that reference in the past, so there you go). They were clumsy and there were lots of them and they ran to jump on their Keystone Cop cars in a way that people found hilarious. I guess. Like education reform.  That’s my poorly-made point.

I have a couple of students who like to earn attention by flailing about on the floor.  I remind them, in a pastel voice, that this is not safe for them and that I have to keep them safe. Then they put chunks of green or pink erasers into their mouths and laugh at the owners of said erasers. It is spitty and gross.

Today, my room was a veritable revolving door of my two top contenders being removed so that others could complete their high stakes, completely meaningless assessment.  But the best, bestest, bestissimo times three, was when my young mad girl called Finesse (in my mind), decided that the next best thing in her life would be to put a cardboard box on her head.  And walk around the classroom, preferably bumping into someone who a) she didn’t like, or b) was too well-behaved to react.  I think that was her third visit to the office in an hour.

When I walked her and a couple of my other students out to the bus, I privately said to her, “Finesse. You put a box on your head. Do you want to be known as the person with a box on her head?” She said no.  I’m not convinced. But I was impressed with my indisputable skill as a therapist there. She’ll probably remember that conversation as one that turned her life around. . .

Which brings me to the other insight offered by my colleague, during the glute injury discussion: “Maybe you were clenching.”

 

 

Image: http://organisedforyou.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/man-with-box-on-head-300×300.jpg

 

 

 

Windows to the Wacky September 13, 2014

Filed under: humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 8:52 pm
Tags: , ,

 

This week, one of my fresh new students told me the following:

“Ms. Peachy, you’re really smart. I can tell by your eyes that you are really smart.  I can tell by my aunt’s eyes that she’s crazy.”

Apparently, that’s this girl’s superpower.

Thank God that I fell on the right side of that fence. The magnitude of this achievement cannot be overstated.

Also occurring this week on the cutting edge education front, a student whose pants didn’t fit properly allowed them to fall around her ankles, and refused to pull them up. Instead, she shuffled along the hall and amongst the desks and chairs of her peers.  Had I asked the rest of the class to illustrate what her underwear looked like, they could have knocked that rigorous assignment out of the park, as we all had plenty of time to take in every detail.

Yes, I sent her to the nurse. Yes, I documented it and notified the appropriate support staff.

This week, we will celebrate the U.S. Constitution. I am open to suggestions to supplement my Schoolhouse Rock “We The People” lesson plan.

Image: http://www.marieclairvoyant.com

 

First Week Of School–Peachy Prevails! September 6, 2014

Am I exhausted? Yup.

Am I already playing catch up? Yeah.

Did a student ask me if I was going to give them the money to buy their supplies? Yes, indeed.

It’s been a loooooooooooooooong week.  I lost a couple of dear friends to other assignments.  Teachers get tight. It’s hard to lose close friends and supports in a building.

We have added an hour and a half to the school day.  Buses are late. Little children are so tired. Conversation with a sweet little guy waiting for a bus reveals that he is from Tanzania, then Congo.  They left because it was dangerous. “All these people were coming.   There were things falling from the sky.” Wow.

While I am responsible for “digging deep” into targeted instruction aligned to the Common Core, I consider the challenge of making a kid like this feel safe more crucial.

Today, my kid (my actual kid) forgot that he was on the phone with me when he “put me down” for a minute to check out at the grocery store. It was hilarious; I don’t take this shit personally.  He had been telling me about his “budget-making” adventure. Part of this included a long-term goal of giving 10% to charity. My son has surpassed my virtue. I’m so cool with that.

 

Back to School Messaging August 27, 2014

cell phone

Evidently, I took the summer off from blogging. Oops.  I was too busy doing nothing + professional development.

Back to school, I have been enduring some meetings that lasted for what felt like the entirety of summer break.  At one point, I decided that it would be a super idea to enter my administrator’s number into my cellphone, in case of emergencies.  So I carefully transcribed the digits to the screen, adding a cheerful “testing” message as well.

A few hours later, when I had received no confirmation, I followed up with a request for a return text, verifying that things were in place.

The response, which fell slightly short of said verification: “You are an ugly man stop trying to stalk me loser.” It would seem that things are most certainly not in place.

This administrator has a sense of humor, but not enough to pull that off. I responded.

“Okay so def wrong number!”

The good-natured reply:

“Your d—k was tiny as hell.”

Well, that does make sense, seeing as how I am not a dude. . .

Ah, back to school—where the improbable becomes the commonplace.

The moral of the story: check the number, with spectacles in place.

 

Allergic to Cute August 1, 2014

Filed under: family,humor,pets — peachyteachy @ 3:54 pm
Tags: , ,

kitten

Earlier today, my son was daydreaming about that faraway day when he will own a kitten (or, preferably, two) and will be able to generate kitten videos to share on his YouTube channel.  “Then I will share them with you and you will get more views on your channel!” My YouTube channel consists of exactly two videos of nerf battles at our house.  Add some kittens, we’re talking viral with a capital V and whiskers.

Sadly, he was not pleased with my response.  “I will have nothing to do with the proliferation of cute kittens on the internet.”

“WHAT? WHY? They’re so cute! What are you, allergic to cute? Because if you are, you should have had hives all over a long time ago, because I was flipping cute when I was a baby!”

The conversation ended then, because I had to go and yell at the giant neighborhood cat who was making his daily rounds and relieving himself in my vegetable garden.

 

Image: activatingthoughts.blogspot.com

 

 

 
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