peachyteachy

For realsies

Teaching for College and Career Readiness? Yup! November 15, 2014

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 2:17 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

One of the things they tell teachers is that one should not use sarcasm in the classroom.  Anyone who has read a few of my blog posts knows that if I took one of those moronic Facebook quizzes that ask “How sarcastic are you?” I would fall somewhere between “80 and 97 percent sarcastic”. On a good day.  That’s right, I embrace sarcasm as a trusty lifeskill, and I am proud to share that skill with my beloved students.  Without sarcasm, most teachers would be found collapsed in a pool of their own tears by the end of any given day.

Case in point: one teacher was attempting to teach a math lesson on a recent Friday afternoon. She was holding the promise of the weekly prize drawing over the students, in the hopes that this might inspire some shut up reduced volume in the room.  One student in particular was yukking it up as if the expanded form of 768 was as entertaining as an episode of Sponge Bob.  Also, she was repeatedly sticking her ample booty above the desk.  As a holder of an advanced degree, I can categorically assure you that sticking  your ass in the air is not conducive to learning, at least not in math.  Look it up. In my archives.

The aforementioned  excellent teacher made a suggestion to the class: “You can thank Ms. Zippity Doo Dah for the fact that we won’t have time for our prize drawing.”

To this, of course, several students complied, saying, “Thank you, Zippity Doo Dah.” *sigh* Clearly, this teacher had not delivered enough instruction in sarcasm. . .

But then, from out of the clear blue sky, another student, in a raspy and disgusted voice, like that of a 40-year-old smoker, yelled out, “You’re not supposed to say ‘THANK YOU!’”

“You’re supposed to just SIT THERE!”

The teacher swelled with pride.  Until the day got even better. The student continued, confirming that the teaching of the higher understanding of the sarcastic remark had been successful after all.

“. . .and FEEL ASHAMED!”

Teachers really do make a difference, after all.

 

 

 

 

Image: https://scontent-b-fra.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/t1.0-9/p552x414/1001966_650113861724104_1868953058799216981_n.jpg

 

 

Cheap Anti-Depressant: Pay it Forward November 8, 2014

Filed under: inspiration,life,motivation,parenting — peachyteachy @ 6:18 pm
Tags: ,

This morning, I was in the checkout line at Aldi.  Aldi is a discount grocery store. I freaking love it.

Today, the shopper in front of me had filled her cart, and had overshot her budget. She asked me for a dollar, and I responded, truthfully, that I had no cash (I am a plastic person; not super proud of that). Things proceeded. I waited. I started to think judgmental thoughts. All of my  ugly cultural biases started to rear their ugly heads. I started to think that I had chosen the wrong lane, which is my shopping specialty.  She kept taking things out of her cart.

The checkout people at Aldi are super nice, as a rule.  The guy in this lane was clearly doing his level best to remain patient.  But there was still a chunk of order on the conveyer belt that remained to be sorted. . .

Then I said, “Ma’am, if you are still having trouble covering it, I would like to take care of it.”

She went from stress to joy instantly.  She high fived me, then my son, thanking me again and again, and telling my son that he has a really nice mother.

The fact is that I have faced financial panic at many points.  I remember my mom counting change.  I have applied for public assistance when I was working full time, to keep my family afloat.  It sucked.

This woman could have easily been one of my student’s parents.  But it doesn’t matter, and I will never know.

I covered twenty-one dollars of her groceries.  No huge virtue of mine at all. Instead of feeling pissy and annoyed (a real option, let’s face it) I got to feel, without a doubt, that I had made a right choice today.  The biggest and best choice of today.

 

The Groupon Cult October 18, 2014

Filed under: humor,life,writing — peachyteachy @ 3:16 pm
Tags:

The other night, I attended a book tour date of a well-known humorist who likes to pick up garbage in England.  The deal had been sweetened by the appearance in my inbox of a ticket discount from Groupon ™!

Upon my arrival at the event, it became clear that the gig was not a sellout—at least, not in the balcony.  Except, as you can see, for those of us who bought the Groupon. Behold, the Groupon Row:

groupon rowNote the expanse of empty rows behind and in front of us.  Cozy. I was alone, too, with elbows tucked close to my ribs.

We are the Groupon Nation. I’ll bet there was a disproportionately large number of people with smashing mani-pedis, too.

 

Vote Peachy for Lame Mom 2014 October 13, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — peachyteachy @ 8:30 pm

My kid has a job and a paycheck, but not much of a wardrobe.  When he has been given cash for clothes, he has continued to avoid shopping for them.

This weekend, I spent one dollar at a thrift store on a pair of LLBean wide wale corduroys for my gainfully employed 23-year-old kid.

I am quite sure that this lands me in one of two categories:

1) Lame

2) Super Lame

 

Box Troll 2.0 On Parade September 25, 2014

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 7:58 pm
Tags: , ,

 

Common Core in action

Do you know what is awesome?

What’s awesome is having some mysterious muscular pain in one’s glute, but having no memory of having done any deep lunges whatsoever.  Although, upon reflection, I do sit in some tiny ass chairs during the day, and it is entirely possible that I arose from one of them over-eagerly. A colleague suggested that I might be able to call in sick with that one.  I’m not sure that the drop-down menu on the website includes “Ass Injury.” On the other hand, it’s worth a shot.

Those of you who have been reading the Peachy Chronicles for some time are familiar with the fact that, regardless of what grade I teach, I manage to attract a contingent of crazies high needs individuals who are entertaining in writing but beyond challenging in actual practice.

Today, for example, I was required to administer an assessment that has no bearing on student learning, grading, or life.  Rather, it stands as a measure of teacher effectiveness that hinges on growth from the fall to the spring on this one little “task.” It is Keystone Cop-ish on so many levels, and it was rendered even more so by my students’ behavior today.  The Keystone Cops were silent movie police sensations (I have been met with blank stares when making that reference in the past, so there you go). They were clumsy and there were lots of them and they ran to jump on their Keystone Cop cars in a way that people found hilarious. I guess. Like education reform.  That’s my poorly-made point.

I have a couple of students who like to earn attention by flailing about on the floor.  I remind them, in a pastel voice, that this is not safe for them and that I have to keep them safe. Then they put chunks of green or pink erasers into their mouths and laugh at the owners of said erasers. It is spitty and gross.

Today, my room was a veritable revolving door of my two top contenders being removed so that others could complete their high stakes, completely meaningless assessment.  But the best, bestest, bestissimo times three, was when my young mad girl called Finesse (in my mind), decided that the next best thing in her life would be to put a cardboard box on her head.  And walk around the classroom, preferably bumping into someone who a) she didn’t like, or b) was too well-behaved to react.  I think that was her third visit to the office in an hour.

When I walked her and a couple of my other students out to the bus, I privately said to her, “Finesse. You put a box on your head. Do you want to be known as the person with a box on her head?” She said no.  I’m not convinced. But I was impressed with my indisputable skill as a therapist there. She’ll probably remember that conversation as one that turned her life around. . .

Which brings me to the other insight offered by my colleague, during the glute injury discussion: “Maybe you were clenching.”

 

 

Image: http://organisedforyou.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/man-with-box-on-head-300×300.jpg

 

 

 

Windows to the Wacky September 13, 2014

Filed under: humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 8:52 pm
Tags: , ,

 

This week, one of my fresh new students told me the following:

“Ms. Peachy, you’re really smart. I can tell by your eyes that you are really smart.  I can tell by my aunt’s eyes that she’s crazy.”

Apparently, that’s this girl’s superpower.

Thank God that I fell on the right side of that fence. The magnitude of this achievement cannot be overstated.

Also occurring this week on the cutting edge education front, a student whose pants didn’t fit properly allowed them to fall around her ankles, and refused to pull them up. Instead, she shuffled along the hall and amongst the desks and chairs of her peers.  Had I asked the rest of the class to illustrate what her underwear looked like, they could have knocked that rigorous assignment out of the park, as we all had plenty of time to take in every detail.

Yes, I sent her to the nurse. Yes, I documented it and notified the appropriate support staff.

This week, we will celebrate the U.S. Constitution. I am open to suggestions to supplement my Schoolhouse Rock “We The People” lesson plan.

Image: http://www.marieclairvoyant.com

 

First Week Of School–Peachy Prevails! September 6, 2014

Am I exhausted? Yup.

Am I already playing catch up? Yeah.

Did a student ask me if I was going to give them the money to buy their supplies? Yes, indeed.

It’s been a loooooooooooooooong week.  I lost a couple of dear friends to other assignments.  Teachers get tight. It’s hard to lose close friends and supports in a building.

We have added an hour and a half to the school day.  Buses are late. Little children are so tired. Conversation with a sweet little guy waiting for a bus reveals that he is from Tanzania, then Congo.  They left because it was dangerous. “All these people were coming.   There were things falling from the sky.” Wow.

While I am responsible for “digging deep” into targeted instruction aligned to the Common Core, I consider the challenge of making a kid like this feel safe more crucial.

Today, my kid (my actual kid) forgot that he was on the phone with me when he “put me down” for a minute to check out at the grocery store. It was hilarious; I don’t take this shit personally.  He had been telling me about his “budget-making” adventure. Part of this included a long-term goal of giving 10% to charity. My son has surpassed my virtue. I’m so cool with that.

 

 
Pinklightsabre's Blog

Learning to see in the dark

Jabri'z Point of View

I might not be always right, but it's my point of view about stuff.

Christopher De Voss

Life, Humor, And Zombies

Unload and Unwind

A place to talk about the past, present and thoughts of the future

colombiancuties

As Cuties of Colombia we're lifting our great Nation.

ThinMan's Blog

A geezer's ramblings

Playing Your Hand Right

Showing America how to Live

smacorblog

Roberts K-8 School Library Media Center Blog

Coach Daddy

It's all about fatherhood, futbol and food.

Blogdramedy

|: attention must be paid :|

Snapshots of Second Grade

Mrs. Tonnessen's Classroom Blog

Little Miss Perfect

Writer. Grammarian. Poster child for poor self-esteem and existential despair.

Miss Lou Acquiring Lore

Gallery of Life...

The Irrefutable Opinion

Assaults on the Casually Mundane by K. Jean King

Mister G Kids

A daily comic about real stuff little kids say in school. By Matt Gajdoš

The Blog of Funny Names

Celebrating Great People With Greater Names. Updated (almost) every weekday.

Lame Adventures

A Humor Blog

Weird Woman Lives Past 40

My bumpy, messy, fattening, slutty, beautiful, simple life. Step into my panties...err parlour.

The Magical Slow Cooker

Slow Cooker Recipes

Essential Bygone Housewifery

A daily assemblage of the obsolete, the antiquated, and the curious practices of the erstwhile homemakers of a vanished era. Including lost secrets in the areas of Cooking, Baking, Personal Care, Remedies, Cleaning, Entertaining, Crafting, Decorating, and other miscellany of household management.

BunnyandPorkBelly

life is always sweeter and yummier through a lens. https://www.facebook.com/BunnyandPorkBelly https://twitter.com/BunnyNPorkBelly bunnyandporkbelly [at] gmail [dot] com

JessFindsVintage

For the Love of Vintage

Views from the Valley

Middle America musings

Bite Size Canada

Canadian trivia and history in bite size chunks!

The Tattooed Teacher

Adventures in Elementary School

Live simply, travel lightly, love passionately & don't forget to breathe

I choose to collect memories instead of things. " To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, to draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of 'Life' "

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 441 other followers

%d bloggers like this: