One of the things they tell teachers is that one should not use sarcasm in the classroom. Anyone who has read a few of my blog posts knows that if I took one of those moronic Facebook quizzes that ask “How sarcastic are you?” I would fall somewhere between “80 and 97 percent sarcastic”. On a good day. That’s right, I embrace sarcasm as a trusty lifeskill, and I am proud to share that skill with my beloved students. Without sarcasm, most teachers would be found collapsed in a pool of their own tears by the end of any given day.
Case in point: one teacher was attempting to teach a math lesson on a recent Friday afternoon. She was holding the promise of the weekly prize drawing over the students, in the hopes that this might inspire some
shut up reduced volume in the room. One student in particular was yukking it up as if the expanded form of 768 was as entertaining as an episode of Sponge Bob. Also, she was repeatedly sticking her ample booty above the desk. As a holder of an advanced degree, I can categorically assure you that sticking your ass in the air is not conducive to learning, at least not in math. Look it up. In my archives.
The aforementioned excellent teacher made a suggestion to the class: “You can thank Ms. Zippity Doo Dah for the fact that we won’t have time for our prize drawing.”
To this, of course, several students complied, saying, “Thank you, Zippity Doo Dah.” *sigh* Clearly, this teacher had not delivered enough instruction in sarcasm. . .
But then, from out of the clear blue sky, another student, in a raspy and disgusted voice, like that of a 40-year-old smoker, yelled out, “You’re not supposed to say ‘THANK YOU!’”
“You’re supposed to just SIT THERE!”
The teacher swelled with pride. Until the day got even better. The student continued, confirming that the teaching of the higher understanding of the sarcastic remark had been successful after all.
“. . .and FEEL ASHAMED!”
Teachers really do make a difference, after all.