peachyteachy

For realsies

Windows to the Wacky September 13, 2014

Filed under: humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 8:52 pm
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This week, one of my fresh new students told me the following:

“Ms. Peachy, you’re really smart. I can tell by your eyes that you are really smart.  I can tell by my aunt’s eyes that she’s crazy.”

Apparently, that’s this girl’s superpower.

Thank God that I fell on the right side of that fence. The magnitude of this achievement cannot be overstated.

Also occurring this week on the cutting edge education front, a student whose pants didn’t fit properly allowed them to fall around her ankles, and refused to pull them up. Instead, she shuffled along the hall and amongst the desks and chairs of her peers.  Had I asked the rest of the class to illustrate what her underwear looked like, they could have knocked that rigorous assignment out of the park, as we all had plenty of time to take in every detail.

Yes, I sent her to the nurse. Yes, I documented it and notified the appropriate support staff.

This week, we will celebrate the U.S. Constitution. I am open to suggestions to supplement my Schoolhouse Rock “We The People” lesson plan.

Image: http://www.marieclairvoyant.com

 

First Week Of School–Peachy Prevails! September 6, 2014

Am I exhausted? Yup.

Am I already playing catch up? Yeah.

Did a student ask me if I was going to give them the money to buy their supplies? Yes, indeed.

It’s been a loooooooooooooooong week.  I lost a couple of dear friends to other assignments.  Teachers get tight. It’s hard to lose close friends and supports in a building.

We have added an hour and a half to the school day.  Buses are late. Little children are so tired. Conversation with a sweet little guy waiting for a bus reveals that he is from Tanzania, then Congo.  They left because it was dangerous. “All these people were coming.   There were things falling from the sky.” Wow.

While I am responsible for “digging deep” into targeted instruction aligned to the Common Core, I consider the challenge of making a kid like this feel safe more crucial.

Today, my kid (my actual kid) forgot that he was on the phone with me when he “put me down” for a minute to check out at the grocery store. It was hilarious; I don’t take this shit personally.  He had been telling me about his “budget-making” adventure. Part of this included a long-term goal of giving 10% to charity. My son has surpassed my virtue. I’m so cool with that.

 

Back to School Messaging August 27, 2014

cell phone

Evidently, I took the summer off from blogging. Oops.  I was too busy doing nothing + professional development.

Back to school, I have been enduring some meetings that lasted for what felt like the entirety of summer break.  At one point, I decided that it would be a super idea to enter my administrator’s number into my cellphone, in case of emergencies.  So I carefully transcribed the digits to the screen, adding a cheerful “testing” message as well.

A few hours later, when I had received no confirmation, I followed up with a request for a return text, verifying that things were in place.

The response, which fell slightly short of said verification: “You are an ugly man stop trying to stalk me loser.” It would seem that things are most certainly not in place.

This administrator has a sense of humor, but not enough to pull that off. I responded.

“Okay so def wrong number!”

The good-natured reply:

“Your d—k was tiny as hell.”

Well, that does make sense, seeing as how I am not a dude. . .

Ah, back to school—where the improbable becomes the commonplace.

The moral of the story: check the number, with spectacles in place.

 

Allergic to Cute August 1, 2014

Filed under: family,humor,pets — peachyteachy @ 3:54 pm
Tags: , ,

kitten

Earlier today, my son was daydreaming about that faraway day when he will own a kitten (or, preferably, two) and will be able to generate kitten videos to share on his YouTube channel.  “Then I will share them with you and you will get more views on your channel!” My YouTube channel consists of exactly two videos of nerf battles at our house.  Add some kittens, we’re talking viral with a capital V and whiskers.

Sadly, he was not pleased with my response.  “I will have nothing to do with the proliferation of cute kittens on the internet.”

“WHAT? WHY? They’re so cute! What are you, allergic to cute? Because if you are, you should have had hives all over a long time ago, because I was flipping cute when I was a baby!”

The conversation ended then, because I had to go and yell at the giant neighborhood cat who was making his daily rounds and relieving himself in my vegetable garden.

 

Image: activatingthoughts.blogspot.com

 

 

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NEW BLOG ALERT

You can help to build a blog that will explore some of the issues surrounding the standardized test score-based school reform movement.  It will also look into how we can support kids to navigate the educational waters these days.

http://biggerthananumber.wordpress.com/

 

Best Teacher Gift Ever July 31, 2014

Filed under: humor,teaching — peachyteachy @ 3:03 pm
Tags: , , ,
Yeah, I got a set of TWO!

Yeah, I got a set of TWO!

Well, unless you count the package of Italian sausage links I got that one year. . .

 

 

 

School Year Wrap Up: 2014 Report Card Comments June 23, 2014

Filed under: education,humor,school,teaching — peachyteachy @ 6:46 pm
Tags: , ,

Imagine, if you will, that you are a teacher in an urban elementary school.  For the past ten months it has been your duty to systematically improve the outcomes of twenty-some little less-than-nine-year-olds.  Pants have been wet.  Spider monkey howls have been howled. Swaths of duct tape have hovered within centimeters of certain lips. I only alluded once out loud to a possible need to wear Pull-Ups to school due to frequent “I have a true emergency” pleas. If you do not see the miracle in the fact that students and teacher are still standing, you clearly need to watch more episodes of The Simpsons.

And so, the time has come, once again, to fill a space barely larger than that of a triple Tweet, with the critical written message that may be the only communication that a parent reads about their child (I don’t assume that they have read the previous comments).  Also, the dang Cricket phone has long since been disconnected. As I have noted before, the nature of report card comments has been ambushed, like everything else in public education, by the Data Dementors.  We are required to report mostly in numeric code.  What’s left must tread lightly into the realm of the human being child.  You’ll see what I mean. Please note: I use the word “actual” loosely.

 

 

Actual comment:

Skylark has increased her reading level from C to F.  This is still far below the grade level target of M.  Skylark continues to struggle with addition and subtraction within 20, and scored 27% on the most recent math assessment.  Please practice daily with the materials sent home for the summer.  I am hopeful that Skylark will focus on her schoolwork in order to make lots of progress next year!

Fake comment:

Skylark has progressed from level C (Come ON!) to level F (Freaking pay attention and look at the word and not your sparkly press-on nails that get lost on the floor and prevent you from looking at these things called letters!).  Skylark is amused by Kleenex. Skylark won our class award for most consecutive days without turning in homework! Way to go above and beyond, Skylark!

Actual comment:

Bruce Lee has made some progress with math computation, and scored 40 out of 50 points on the end-of-year timed facts quiz. He should be reading at level M at the end of this grade, but struggled to reach K, as he sometimes gives up on tasks, and is tempted to socialize.  I am confident that he will make more positive behavior choices next year. Good luck, Bruce!

Fake comment:

Bruce Lee could be the most successful kid in the class, but he is fully focused on his Thug-In-Training program.  He was the first in the grade to learn to make spit balls!  He believes that his desk is a wheelbarrow, and his seat, a rocking chair. His anger at being asked to complete schoolwork is surpassed only by his commitment to wear all-camo, all day, every day. I was delighted at his progress when he stated that, “I don’t steal markers from you anymore.”

Actual comment:

Tazmania scored 19 out of 50 points on her final math assessment, short of the grade level target of 40.  She also has struggled with understanding what she reads, scoring 35% on her last unit assessment.  Tazmania is frequently distracted and will need to focus on controlling her body as she moves on to the next grade level.  Good luck next year, Taz!

Fake comment:

Tazmania practices Desk Twerking on a daily basis. We are all impressed by her ability to elevate her tush like that, and so often! She finds it difficult to complete assignments, as she is generally at eye level with her desk, which is a treasure trove of all the pencils, rubber bands, and sticky notes missing from the room at any given time.  I am hopeful that her practice at lying pathologically will contribute to lots of improvement in her writing next year! Good luck, Tazmania!

Now, on to the comedy that is summer professional development!

Image:

 

 

 

 

 
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